patrick.net

Who came first?

Don't remember. We did it while crossing the road, then she accused me of being an egg beater and the fuzz whisked me away.

Great Scott, it looks like interpretame is on a roll with a perfectly Charmin post.

Squeezed the charm right outta the post, he did.

Urine luck, you bowled me over with that reply. I'm sitting here with my magazine, flush with relief over the possibilities here. I'm turd, having worked half the night, and pissed off that I didn't squeeze out my work any faster. Maybe I'm septic?

Toushy!

We need to log off and dump this whole tissue.

Can't stay on tract 'cause I'm pooped - so I'll be brief. I was out late last night, having a shitload of fun. A bunch of us went out, were in a crappy little bar just singing away & snacking at the buffet. Our pipes were rusty but the sound was so loud the neighbors immediately knew where it came from. Our symphony was good - it passed the smell test. And we were dropping dollars all around.

You know the story - I met a guy, but he was a drip. Smelled like... well, he stank. So we left. I still had some of the crap I'd been eating, so I tossed my cookies into the bushes - and wouldn't you know it, there was a copper standing there. He popped out a ticket for littering. I'm gonna sewer something, it was entrapment, pure & simple.

I'm gonna go shake hands with the mayor & see if I can put the squeeze on him...

Oh, fudge.

Awwww, shucks. I forgive you. It's a full moon.
But it stinks, being the butt of the joke...

Time to take a load off. I'm gonna sit this one out.

We should start a port-a-potty business. We could get a head.

"The way the economy is, we’d just wind-up in the shithouse"

Then we won't use bricks.

Gentlemen! That little comment tipped this thread in a new direction! We can get plastered, I'll trowel on some makeup and we can do something ex-siding. Wood that be okay with you? Maybe we'll have to block out the rest of the world, unless we get stuck - Oh, that'd be vinyl with me.

Get your minds outta the gutter, I'm building on your last comments and have some constructive input.

interpretame says

The gutter is wherein I dwell,
I fear I cannot part it,
I think I’ll stay, as I do well,
Back in the place I started.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm, what rhymes with "started?" I'm drawing a blank.

I was casing the joint and Ellie's prime post floored me when I saw it. I know exactly what cement. I guess rafter is the best medicine.
Well, joist to the world.
The pun is miter than the sword, mortar or less, in her concrete example, and it rocks. I hope she keeps attic because I plan to lentel an ear. After all, it's only fitting.

Oh, Mikey! You're such a stud! You covered all the right angles, and you nailed it! Keep up the punny stuff, I know you conduit!

I would like to counter and furnace more moldy puns but I'm too wired to cut it and my fire wall is down so my name is mud and I plan to sit on the fence like a stoop and wet my drawers. I don't care how many stairs I get or how many folks rail. As they say, you always hearth the one you love.

You're steel the pun King, Mikey. I can't compare, I feel so Lowe. Figured that retail therapy wood help (nothing could be Kohler). I hopped a Trane, went down the Delta & got off at my Home Depot to buy a new bbq grill. My family is spread out - I've invited my Western Family to come over & Sear some meat tonight. I got a True Value, Aced it. Right on Target with my budget - I love getting Food 4 Less. When I Payless I'm the happiest.

We're gonna raise the roof, cut a rug, and knowing some of my relatives, there will be some shagging going on (they love to shed their inhibitions). The really fat ones will lumber in later and sit around the house. If the place gets damaged, we'll buy new stuff. We can buy in pieces (plumbing supply, electrical supply...) or go for the all-in-one: Wall-mart.

I was milling around getting hammered after logging on and I hope I'm not barking up the wrong tree but I was pining to pun some more, if I maple. I know it's knotty and you might call me a warped chiseler who needs a shellacking for trying to go against the grain but at least I'm not lathey. It's how I'm coping and I'm having a ripping good time. At first I drew a plank, wooden you know? Also, my computer chair could use some lumbar support--a larch one, just to spruce up. Gee, I hope this post will be poplar and no one gets board with it. By the way, I'm not a member of any splinter group or a hack and I personally prefer plane Jane's cause they're a cut above.

interpretame says

You guys & gals are SO GOOD at this, I’m starting to fear for your mental health.

Starting? What was your first glue?

elliemae says

interpretame says

You guys & gals are SO GOOD at this, I’m starting to fear for your mental health.

Starting? What was your first glue?

Did you cut and paste that? Didn't you read the Sticky? Or were you stuck?

Should this conversation be shelved?

elliemae says

Should this conversation be shelved?

Well, that post was by the book but I guess we should leaf it alone and that should cover it since it hit the mark, but musty do it? Where is our spine? Why are we in a hurry to turn the page?

Sorry, I was watching teepee and didn't know you were there. I get kind of tents some time. But great Scott, the paper thing was bundled with a construction theme. You're such a card.

Speaking of teepee's, I wish to lodge a complaint about the fringe element. Oh, forget it... if you can't bead 'em, join 'em. Sorry about that, chief. I don't mean to make a blanket statement but it's time to bison shine and be brave or we'll get buffaloed.

I was speaking with my doctor last night, I told him I dreamt of a teepee. Then a wigwam. His diagnosis was that I was too tents.

We're just Pawnees in the game of life and that's nothing to Crow about. We should just Cheyenne this on Kiowa think and I Hopi you agree. Comanch, let's do it. Well? Walla ya say? We've Spokane enough already. We don't want to get Sioux-ed by a pole cat for due squaws. Then we'll have to hide. I say we protect our dear skin.

I'm tracking your comments, and have my reservations about you two. You don't have me buffalo'd - this is a horse of a different color. You're starting to stirrup feelings in me, I can't rein them in and am chomping at the bit to hear more. I have unbridled passion for this subject, I'm not saddle at all and am happy to use my big horn in my pinto to make myself heard.

I could drive the mustang instead, it's got alot of horse power and from what I've herd it makes me look good. Ever since I was barn I've been told that I'm a pretty little heifer.

I'm hot to trot to keep this tail going and let it ride but I'm late for a bridle shower. I'm a little spooked, too and I canter understand why, but I want to pony up and use the right tack. I don't wish to put a halter to this topic since that would buggy me and paint the wrong picture and besides that I'm not an Indian giver. I hope I'm being a friend and not a foal here. This could be a whinny-whinny situation and that's the mane thing. I really don't want to get my jockeys in a bunch.
Hay, I can't wait till tonight when I can play Donkey Kong, then watch Hee Haw and Jackass.
Happy trails.

Hay,
you do this every time. I figure I've won the race and you come in by a nose. You've got me on the ropes, go ahead & boot me out now. I'm feeling my oats and figure that I can spur you on - but you've got to be trainable. You're such a hotshot and I know that I rigged it to make my point. I'm not just an interloper, I'm on the fence about this topic and hope you'll get off your high horse.

Shoer, I've been around the horn but I'm going stirrup crazy now and that's only farrier. I don't want to get whipped because I've learned my lesson. I'm hell bent for leather, hoofing and puffing. No more stalling. I'm taking it with a grain of salt in case I may have bit off more than I can chew. My pals Al Falfa and Clyde Dale say it might be a photo finish depending on who can lead, so let's take off our blinders to hit the broad side of the barn right out of the gate, then we can take a straw poll.