patrick.net

Where have you been? Your father & I have been worried!

Prowling the wet alleys of the random abyss is all.

Fork-get that I asked. We're just happy you're here, being knife to us again. Just curious - what kind of coffee was it?

Being knife? Are you trying to butter me up by spoon feeding puns? Isn't that self serving? And that's just for openers but is it the baste you can do? Oh, grate, a flash in the pan. I'm bowled over but I guess it was mitt to be. At least it was a peeling and tender. It was puree and simple--tongs for the memories.
Well. see ya ladle, if it's not too much of a strain. I'll mark it on my colander.
BTW, the coffee was Ground Zero, finest kind.
Anyway, here's the scoop: Gotta go now to meet uncle Zester and seive-ral relatives at the spork park. Any way you slice it, they're egging me on, the yokels, but they do crack me up. And, after all, we are over our family spatula.

mikey says

And, after all, we are over our family spatula.

Blended families are the best - but too much togetherness can churn up old feelings. Sometimes it's like mixing oil & vinegar, but eventually things get better. It's best to cool off for twenty minutes prior to being self-serving.

Your post serrates high but I want to counter without sounding grout che.
Things won't get butter if you keep stirring the pot. I'm steamed now. You really opened up a kettle and flipped my lid. You might get your buns canned good but that's a margarine call that I don't want to Parkay in cause it could be a recipe for disaster and I don't want to get burned in the mix. I'm not that Brawny to go toaster to toaster. No man is an island. It's too dicey. Gotta go. Chop chop. I'm toast for crusts sake and need to do some loafing.

That's just grate. You come typing back in here, with yer high falutin' ways and expect to pick up where you left off? Show some etiquette, young man!

'round here, we start at the left and slowly work our way to the right. Since we're eating shit sandwiches served up by bankers & wall street types, some of us haven't been able to get past the first fork we had. Those who start on the far right are still trying to stab their food with a butter knife, and are pretty hostile 'cause of that.

What type of knife was in the guy's chest? And do you think they made him pay for the coffee? Did he leave a tip?

Well, things aren't all hunky doily. This old timer needs his afternoon napkin. I have enough on my plate so I bagel your indulgence to see if we can cheese it so we won't get creamed. Why take it to the hilt when we can try to get a handle on things? We sure don't want this to become a grind. Now that's the ticket. We don't want to miss the bus on this. Let's not wait.

I got nothin', here.

I'm getting tired of machete topic, too.

What part of the body is the "warren?"

"...police said the 52-year-old man told the 911 operator he had been stabbed in Warren"

If memory serves, Warren was that dorky guy that replaced Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith show.
Personally, I found Floyd the barber to be a real chuckle fest.

Floyd: Wanna haircut, Andy?
Andy: No, Floyd.
Floyd: All right but it looks like you're getting a little shaggy back there.
Andy: No, Floyd.

mikey says

Floyd: Wanna haircut, Andy?
Andy: No, Floyd.
Floyd: All right but it looks like you’re getting a little shaggy back there.
Andy: No, Floyd.

LMAOROLF.

Okay, maybe I exaggerate. But I did chuckle at the reference.