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Examples of stupid comments I’m tired of reading in real estate reports and listings:


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2006 Aug 3, 11:42am   26,284 views  227 comments

by tsusiat   ➕follow (0)   💰tip   ignore  

charming handyman's special!

Choices Increase for Buyers…. …. Real Estate Board President, Joe Doe, notes that while sales have softened slightly, prices have remained relatively stable and are up compared to the beginning of the year….[agghh, inventory is tracking much higher than sales, month after month]

Private garden with a fenced yard on a quiet street. Perfect for kids, pets and a veggie garden….. Partially updated with new maple kitchen and hot water tank in this comfy light filled doublewide [mobile!]. Perfect "as is" rental for renters with pets or college students [nearest college is 40 miles away. Yes, we are including a hot water tank].

REVENUE, REVENUE, REVENUE!! Nothing to do but collect your rental income! [of course, the mortgage payments alone are about double the current rent …]

Priced to sell, quick possession. [We need cash. Please.]

Move right in condition. [What, this is a selling point for a HOUSE?]

First time on the market in 50 years! [I see dead people]

Inside shows very nicely. [Outside, not so much]

Character …. 3 bedroom home on quiet street. Tenanted -- renting for $1200, planning on leaving end of August. Great investment or holding property. [mortgage payment with 20% down at 6% = $1657]

This is a very well maintained 1940's home with many substantial upgrades & is perfect for the 1st time home buyer. [mortgage payment with 10% down at 6% = $2126 = necessary annual income of $80,000. Local median family income is $55,000. Lots of potential first time buyers at these LOW, LOW prices]

I could go on, but you get the picture. Feel free to supply your own versions of the insanity of the Real Estate babble, with links if you like…

The language skills of real estate journalists and salespeople are getting a real work-out these days; if this continues, I expect to see future examples of creativity that would get excellent marks from a grade 8 creative writing teacher [punctuation, not so much…].

tsusiat

#housing

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1   astrid   2006 Aug 3, 11:51am  

Thanks!

The one that always gets me is "stop throwing your money away," as if renting a safe and weather controlled roof over my head is throwing my money away.

2   tsusiat   2006 Aug 3, 11:54am  

Haha right Astrid, we don't pay for any other disposables, like food, do we?...

3   Glen   2006 Aug 3, 12:13pm  

Here is the one I'm waiting for:

"HOMEOWNERS! Stop throwing money away on your negative amortization mortgage! Late payments? Pre-foreclosure? No problem! Mail in your keys, dump the albatross and sign a new lease with Sunnyslope apartments and the first month is free! *some restrictions apply--income verification required."

4   tsusiat   2006 Aug 3, 12:18pm  

income verification required

Sweet!

5   speedingpullet   2006 Aug 3, 12:21pm  

I'm always amazed by "quaint".

Where I'm from, "quaint" usually means something that looks (and generally is) about 350 years old and is haunted. By Dick Turpin and the Hound of the Baskervilles. And made of wattle-and-daub, fresh from the nearest farm...350 years ago.

Or, regarding plumbing (an English specialty...) it normally means an outside toilet (yes, they still exist. Though many people use them as kitchen extensions nowadays),
Or a two-foot long bathtub. Or an immersion heater that was old before WWII and dribbles rusty tepid water at a rate of a gallon an hour. Guaranteeing that, by the time you've finished running your bath, all the water in the tub will be cold simply by being in there for so long, wating for the rest to catch up.

Or of a house, that the rooms are tiny and bear no sane relation to what anybody would want. falling through florboards. Having a rope as a bannister.
Staircases to nowhere. Doors with walls behind them. Bedrooms too small to fit a baby cot in. Being woken up at 4am by the family of badgers in the attic..

OK, maybe I have a very negative image of "quaint". Frankly, it scares me.

I wonder why realtors(tm) over here use it so much?
Possibly the same reasons the English do?
Or, are there uniquely American horrors that await me, when being shown something "quaint"

6   speedingpullet   2006 Aug 3, 12:26pm  

Exactly my point.

Why doom any chance you have of selling your house by describing it as quaint?

7   astrid   2006 Aug 3, 12:29pm  

I thought quaint is what people resort to if they live in the sticks, in a tiny lot, with eccentric neighbors, and nothing to do. Quaint is what people say about their own houses if there's nothing substantively good to say about it. It's kind of like calling a person "nice" because you're trying to be polite and can't think of anything else good to say about the person.

8   tsusiat   2006 Aug 3, 12:29pm  

speedingpullet:

by free association, you have forced me to remember the overuse of...

cute.

As in, Annette Funicello is cute!

9   speedingpullet   2006 Aug 3, 12:41pm  

Astrid:

Aha, pretty much what it means in England, then...
in a hands-over-eyes kinda way I was hoping that American 'quaint' would be different (not better, just dfferent).

As for 'nice'. 'Nice' used to mean 'precise'. As in "a nice point, touche".

10   speedingpullet   2006 Aug 3, 12:43pm  

What's the deal with 'copper plumbing'? I keep on seeing that everywere.

11   requiem   2006 Aug 3, 12:49pm  

There are uniquely American horrors, I assume. I only associate "quaint" with the 350-year-old wattle-and-daub image, or at least the Carmel-by-the-Sea implementation thereof, so new abuses of the term are especially unwelcome to me.

12   Allah   2006 Aug 3, 1:47pm  

I’ve been seeing a lot of
‘under market value’

What they really mean is under bubble value. Which is higher than the true fair market value but lower than comp value.

14   Randy H   2006 Aug 3, 2:35pm  

Here's a hint to sellers:

If your home is listed at a price, then it cannot be "under market value", by definition. Unless you are psychotic or under coercive threat of physical harm, then YOU AGREED TO THE LISTING PRICE! That means, your price IS THE MARKET PRICE!

As this is a Thursday and I'm full of Ikura and Sake, I'll interject a learning from the great X:

"Fucking get over it and suck it long, suck it hard! You priced your fucking overpriced stucco shitbox this low because you're afraid everyone can see the emperor's wang dongling in the wind now, and you're screwed."

Maybe you can pay your mortgage payments using your credit card...

15   tsusiat   2006 Aug 3, 2:51pm  

Ikura and sake are a reasonable and most sophisticated pleasure...

16   tsusiat   2006 Aug 3, 2:53pm  

Athena -

it's called schadenfreude

17   Randy H   2006 Aug 3, 2:57pm  

What is the name of the emotion that kind of news triggers?

If you don't like them, then Shadenfreude. If you do, then Mitleid. But since you are generally übel, I'd have to go with the first one.

18   Randy H   2006 Aug 3, 3:00pm  

...or the defintion of Schadenfreude for grammar masochists.

19   e   2006 Aug 3, 3:15pm  

wait… I just met someone that told me they paid last month’s mortgage payment on their credit card.

That's a great idea - I've heard of rich kids in college whose parents paid for a year of tuition via their credit cards (private schools.) Just think of the miles/points/rebates you would rack up.

Of course, these people would either:
A) First make sure the credit card had a 0% interest teaser rate or...

B) Pay off the card at the end of the month.

That's what the person you overheard did right? Pay their last mortgage bill with a credit card so that they can earn points and then pay off the bill at the end of the month.

Pretty smart if you ask me. Just like lawyers and doctors getting interest only loans. It's a great idea.

20   speedingpullet   2006 Aug 3, 3:16pm  

Bap33 Says:

athena, for fellers the reaction is commonly called “a chub” …. or chubby ….

And for gals its normally known as a 'wide-on'.

Or at least in my neck of the woods.

OK, going now...

21   Randy H   2006 Aug 3, 3:19pm  

On that note, I'm going to bed too...

22   tsusiat   2006 Aug 3, 3:25pm  

That reminds me of another favourite - "potential", as in that beautiful collapsing barn at the top of the page has a lot of "potential".

23   HARM   2006 Aug 3, 3:26pm  

Custom graphic courtsey of HARM-X Inc. ®

24   StuckInBA   2006 Aug 3, 4:08pm  

Shhhhh. Folks, be quiet.

If those folks do not rake in credit card debt, the credit card companies will not make any profit and cancel all their rebate/point/rewards programs.

I personally use only Citi Dividend. 5% cash back on groceries and gas. 1% on everything else. For me nothing beats cash.

DO NOT TELL people to pay off their credit card debt. I need my cash back.

25   Glen   2006 Aug 3, 4:13pm  

Athena,

I'll bet this lady is one of the people who used an equity line to pay off all their credit cards....now the house is underwater and (ironically) they are loading up the plastic again to make the payments on the house and praying for more home appreciation to bail them out... not gonna happen!

Fortunately, there is a solution for people in this situation. It is called declaring bankruptcy and moving back in with mom. Those of us who took out too many student loans don't have that luxury.

26   tsusiat   2006 Aug 3, 4:18pm  

Very nice barn, HARM, I would have added one myself, but it seems I can't upload images to the server. Oh well, yours was perfect!

27   HARM   2006 Aug 3, 4:48pm  

tsusiat,

Np. Yeah, Patrick limits image uploads mainly to conserve on file space. If you have an image you'd especially like to use next time, either email it to me or post the link here and I'll upload it for you.

28   astrid   2006 Aug 3, 5:27pm  

Glen,

"Fortunately, there is a solution for people in this situation. It is called declaring bankruptcy and moving back in with mom. Those of us who took out too many student loans don’t have that luxury."

LOL! Did your law profs ever tell you the story of why student loans are no longer forgiveable? With all this homeowner credit abuse, maybe this country can make some moves towards no forgiveness for mortgage loans.

Afterall, at least you're trying to improve yourself with student loans. When a FB buys a house, they're doing zero good for it. Back to debtor's prisons for unpaid personal loans (excluding medical costs, which, damn it, US ought to be providing for free like the rest of the goddamn civilized world).

29   astrid   2006 Aug 3, 5:29pm  

HARM,

Great picture. This June, I was hiking past condemned 19th century cabins that were in better shape than that house/barn/wreck/fixer upper.

30   e   2006 Aug 3, 6:17pm  

I searched for Main Street Media on the web and this is what I found:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1627684/posts

31   e   2006 Aug 3, 6:18pm  

A quote from from that link:

]]Do take note that the last guy who kept bringing up inevitable civil war got banned despite his standing as a former SEAL and patriot.

My sentiments are very close of late. Hopefully his expertise is being utilized to develop tactical plans and some sort of command structure for the rest of us when it hits the fan. I think it will if something substantial is not done within the next two years.

It is getting worse by the day, just go to Los Angeles or San Jose if you have not been there in a few years and you will see that is exactly where things are headed.

Hm, somehow I doubt he's referring to overpriced houses...

32   Glen   2006 Aug 3, 6:25pm  

Astrid,

Nah...debtor's prison or unavailability of BK is too harsh. I actually have some compassion for some of the ignorant fools...some of them are my friends.

Plus, I think BK serves a useful social function. It lets people start over again, hopefully wiser than when they took out all that debt in the first place. Many people go on to great success after emerging from BK. I think the benefits of the BK system outweigh the moral hazard. If we didn't have a BK system for homedebtors, my guess is that participation in crime and the "underground economy" would be a big net drain. Plus I would guess that alcohol and drug abuse, divorces and suicides would increase quite a bit.

I think when this gets really ugly we will all kind of feel sorry for some of the FBs (at least the ones who were just financially illiterate, if not the greedy flippers). In all seriousness, I expect that a lot of them will be relieved when they file their bankruptcy petition. And I will be more than happy to assist their creditors by making a lowball offer to the bankruptcy trustee on the home of my choice.

33   astrid   2006 Aug 3, 7:22pm  

Glen,

Maybe not debtor's prison (prisons are never a profitable business for US taxpayers) but why not lifetime debt? The pre-20th Century view of personal bankruptcy was essentially fraud. If we are forced to carry a lifetime debt burden for higher education (and really, US is about the only developed country with such a high education cost burden) then why not housing?

I guess the current BK law will find many people stuck in either a chapter 13 reorg due to income restrictions (I think of it as "shouldn't a high earning professional like you know better" restriction) or fraudulent representation. However, I'd like to see how these laws actually get enforced when the crush of foreclosures and bankruptcies come.

34   GallopingCheetah   2006 Aug 3, 8:12pm  

Astrid,

It won't happen. FBs will get away with their wanton excesses. This is a democracy. Politicians make a living out of pandering to the public.

Besides, FBs are not all that bad people. They have been merely optimizing based on low interest rates and rising RE prices, although the optimization is very local and short-term.

We have a nanny state. Children are absolved of their mistakes. It's the parents' fault.

35   GallopingCheetah   2006 Aug 3, 8:13pm  

Astrid,

It won't happen. FBs will get away with their wanton excesses. This is a democracy. Politicians make a living out of pandering to the public.

Besides, FBs are not all that bad people. They have been merely optimizing based on low interest rates and rising RE prices, although the optimization is very local and short-term.

We have a nanny state. Children are absolved of their mistakes. It's the parents' fault.

36   DinOR   2006 Aug 3, 11:37pm  

athena,

How good to have you back O Godess of Common Sense!

I don't know how many times I've used your phrase "No, I am not interested in buying your maxed out credit cards" (on the blog and in my day to day conversations! People really seem to be able to connect with that. But then you have so many wise sayings!

37   DinOR   2006 Aug 3, 11:42pm  

Randy H,

I'm not so much surprised by your penchant for sake nor your X like rant (however concise) but on a THURSDAY night! Tisk, tisk.

Discipline has gone right out the window here folks.

(Can I get you a glass of water?)

38   DinOR   2006 Aug 3, 11:44pm  

Conor,

Why the sudden shift? I'd heard it was as high as 43%? just last night. New jobs won't come out for a couple of hours?

39   GallopingCheetah   2006 Aug 3, 11:45pm  

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Hiring slowed in July as employers added just 113,000 new jobs, propelling the unemployment rate to a five-month high of 4.8 percent and providing fresh evidence that companies are growing cautious amid high energy prices. Wages grew solidly.

40   DinOR   2006 Aug 3, 11:59pm  

GC,

Thanks! Still had the sound down.

I do agree, not ALL FB's are "bad people" but from my perspective it really doesn't matter that much. Once painted into a corner they will all likely respond pretty much the same. Blaming everyone but themselves and seaking solutions that don't require "anything out of pocket" to them. Including outright lies to their listing realtor, lenders and potential buyers.

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