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US Bans The Import Of Russian Vodka


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2014 Apr 11, 3:30pm   13,591 views  40 comments

by ChapulinColorado   ➕follow (0)   💰tip   ignore  

http://dailycurrant.com/2014/03/28/us-bans-the-import-of-russian-vodka/

Officials Can't Think of Another Russian Product America Uses

As the United States tightens economic sanctions against Russia, the Obama administration announced today an import ban on Russian vodka effective immediately.

In a press conference today, Secretary of State John Kerry told reporters that he decided on the move to punish Moscow for its invasion of Crimea.

“Vodka in stock may be sold and purchased but no new vodka may enter the country,” he declared. “The penalty for importing and selling Russian vodka will be $15,000 fine and up to two years in prison.

“Can you think of another product we buy from them? Just one? We can’t. That’s why the president had no choice but to ban the import of vodka. Maybe in Europe they use more Russian goods but I have no idea what they make. Of course they produce misery and corruption but we can’t help that.

“We don’t use their oil and gas. That’s why we have Canada and they sure as hell aren’t going to take over anything. They send over mediocre ice hockey players but once again, that’s why we have Canada.”

Vice President Joseph Biden, who was upset over the ban of his favorite vodka, spoke scarcasstically on the issue. “We need to apply as much pressure as possible. It has worked with Iran, North Korea, and Cuba so I’m sure it will work with Russia.”

Vodka, it’s what’s for dinner

Vodka consumers in the U.S. are stunned by the revelations that their favorite alcohol will be banned.Fox News host Bill O'Reilly, however, was ecstatic with the news. “Finally, an Obama policy worth implementing. Drink whiskey like a real American. None of that girly vodka crap. I’m glad Obama is finally doing something patriotic.”

Vodka exports accounts for the second largest export for Russia after natural gas. The nation’s political elite does not seem concerned about the economic impact of the ban, however. Putin’s chief of staff Sergei Ivanov told The Moscow Times, the morning “We make the best vodka in the world. It is too good for the Americans; they deserve to drink piss.”

The U.S. says it may lift the ban if Russia pulls back their troops and recognizes Ukraine’s sovereignty over Crimea.

“We’ll also be open to re-establishing trade of vodka if they agree to give us back Edward Snowden, we just want to talk to him,” an inebriated Kerry told reporters later that night outside of his local D.C. bar. “Just talk to that little prick, that’s all.”

#politics

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15   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 1:14pm  

Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila and Miss Tila,[2] is a Singaporean-born American model, television personality. She is known for her appearances in the men's magazines Playboy, Stuff, and Maxim, her role as host of the Fuse TV show featuring performance striptease, Pants-Off Dance-Off and her position as the most popular artist on MySpace

16   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 1:21pm  

Paloma (cocktail)

TequilaPaloma.JPG

Type
Cocktail

The paloma (Spanish for "dove") is a tequila-based cocktail, most commonly prepared by mixing tequila with a grapefruit-flavored soda such as Fresca, Squirt, or Jarritos and served on the rocks with a lime wedge. Optionally, the glass may also be rimmed with salt.

Alternatively, the grapefruit soda can be replaced with fresh white or red grapefruit juice (jugo de toronja), club soda (sugar optional), and fresh-squeezed lime juice.

17   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 1:25pm  

The Matador is a tequila-based cocktail. Less widely known than the margarita, its structure is similarly simple, with three primary ingredients: silver or blanco tequila, pineapple juice, and lime juice. Its chief coupling of pineapple and a single spirit resembles a Jackhammer, a variant of the Screwdriver which substitutes pineapple juice for orange juice to mix with vodka. Matadors are often presented differently, either in a cocktail (or martini) glass or a champagne flute.

18   bob2356   2014 Apr 12, 1:29pm  

Danny Herrera, Inventor of Margarita, Dies at Age 90
http://articles.latimes.com/1992-05-14/local/me-2749_1_danny-herrera

19   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 1:30pm  

Margaritas

20   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 1:34pm  

bob2356 says

Danny Herrera, Inventor of Margarita, Dies at Age 90

http://articles.latimes.com/1992-05-14/local/me-2749_1_danny-herrera

Another reason to drink

21   bob2356   2014 Apr 12, 1:37pm  

ChapulinColorado says

Margaritas

Ski house margarita Hunter mountain style.

1 blender 3/4 full of ice.
1 can limeade
1 limeade can full of tequila
1/3 limeade can of triple sec
blend till blender motor smokes.
rinse and repeat as long as anyone is still standing.

22   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 1:45pm  

Bitchin Scorpion
One Shot José Cuervo Tequila
One Shot DeKuyper Cheri-Beri Pucker
0.25 teaspoon (approximately) Honey
0.25 teaspoon Lime juice
0.5 teaspoon Frank's Red Hot Pepper Sauce

23   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 2:05pm  

Tequila Mockingbird- Prairie Fire Style
1 shot of cheap tequila
1-20 dashes of Tabasco sauce
1 raw egg (quail or chicken)
optional salt rim
lime wedge on the side

You may have to already be smashed to take this drink on a dare.

24   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 2:07pm  

bob2356 says



rinse and repeat as long as anyone is still standing.

LOL

25   Rin   2014 Apr 12, 2:12pm  

Ppl, Jose Cuervo sucks!

Pls, start with 1800 and then, move up from that level to the Cabo Wabo and others.

Cuervo is trash; Hornitos smells and Sauza is a high grade of sewage.

All you need is $5-$7 extra dollars and you can transition that 750 ml bottle from Cuervo to 1800. Please do it; you won't regret your decision.

26   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 2:18pm  

Rin says

All you need is $5-$7 extra dollars and you can transition that 750 ml bottle from Cuervo to 1800. Please do it; you won't regret your decision.

You are right... there is great tequila and bad tequila. I buy both, I admit it. On some occasions, you have to serve the cheap stuff, and on others I drink the finest.

27   Rin   2014 Apr 12, 2:24pm  

ChapulinColorado says

On some occasions, you have to serve the cheap stuff

I don't know about you but I'm not in school anymore.

I will never bring a bottle of Cuervo, to a gathering of ppl whom I care about. I always start with an 1800 Silver and that's the ultimate mixer/base, for any gathering.

Sure for my own shelf, Cabo Wabo Silver is the standard but I'm not sharing that with everyone in the world.

28   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 2:32pm  

Rin says

Cabo Wabo Silver

Thanks for the tip Rin!

Really do appreciate it!

Yup, the cheap stuff was what I would buy in college... No Mo' Cheap stuff... from now on, we're buying lower middle class stuff.

Rin, if I ever can invite you to a party, you should know you may want to BYOB.

I think that jug next to the radiator fluid is supposed to be tequila... who wants another drink?

J/K! :)

29   Ceffer   2014 Apr 12, 4:15pm  

So sad, now the Russians are going to have to drink even more of their own vodka.

30   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 12, 4:33pm  

Ceffer says

So sad, now the Russians are going to have to drink even more of their own vodka.

Oh yes they will suffer... Mwahahaha!

31   carrieon   2014 Apr 12, 5:40pm  

This is deja vu of the JFK ban on Cuban Cigars.

32   Strategist   2014 Apr 13, 2:57am  

Strategist says

Guys....

Russia is supposed to be a advanced country with their space programs etc.

Most of their exports are:

Natural resources, which take no brains to produce.

Arms, which kill people.

Imperialism, which no one wants.

What good have they ever done for mankind?

Guys......
You keep blaming America as being worse, but that does not prove or disprove the above assertions.
Either show why the above is wrong, or admit I'm right.

33   Strategist   2014 Apr 13, 3:00am  

bgamall4 says

And Strategist, no one is more imperialistic than the USA. Are you paid to post your drivel?

I should get paid, it would be money well spent.
Please see above post #35.

34   Strategist   2014 Apr 13, 3:01am  

ChapulinColorado says

Tequila Sunrise

"This pretty drink with layers of orange juice and grenadine is delicious on a hot day. The fact that the ratio of juice to tequila is high makes it a good choice for a brunch cocktail."

Ingredients

1 (1.5 fluid ounce) jigger tequila

3/4 cup freshly squeezed orange juice

ice cubes

1/2 (1.5 fluid ounce) jigger grenadine syrup

1 slice orange, for garnish

1 maraschino cherry for garnish

Directions

Stir or shake together tequila and orange juice. Fill a chilled 12 ounce glass with ice cubes; pour in orange juice mixture. Slowly pour in the grenadine, and allow it to settle to the bottom of the glass (be patient). Garnish with a slice of orange, and a maraschino cherry.

.

I'll take one of these.

35   Strategist   2014 Apr 13, 3:02am  

ChapulinColorado says

Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila and Miss Tila,[2] is a Singaporean-born American model, television personality. She is known for her appearances in the men's magazines Playboy, Stuff, and Maxim, her role as host of the Fuse TV show featuring performance striptease, Pants-Off Dance-Off and her position as the most popular artist on MySpace

I'll take two of these.

36   Strategist   2014 Apr 13, 3:21am  

bgamall4 says

Strategist says

bgamall4 says

And Strategist, no one is more imperialistic than the USA. Are you paid to post your drivel?

I should get paid, it would be money well spent.

Please see above post #35.

If you aren't being paid quit being a lapdog for our evil imperialism throughout the world. Who is doing regime change? The zionist/neocons in the US like Cheney are doing the regime change. So stop supporting plain evil. Nuland, Secretary of State said we spent 5 billion to disrupt the Ukraine.

Her husband is Robert Kagan, cofounder of PNAC with William Kristol of Faux News. They predicted a new Pearl Harbor one full year before 9/11. I read it on their website myself.

America being an imperialist country is a myth, get over it. Some regimes need to be changed for a better world. If a regime change results in a step towards democracy I would wholeheartedly support it, and so should everyone else.

37   ChapulinColorado   2014 Apr 13, 2:06pm  

Strategist says

ChapulinColorado says

Tila Tequila

Tila Tequila and Miss Tila,[2] is a Singaporean-born American model, television personality. She is known for her appearances in the men's magazines Playboy, Stuff, and Maxim, her role as host of the Fuse TV show featuring performance striptease, Pants-Off Dance-Off and her position as the most popular artist on MySpace

I'll take two of these.

Ah yes, the 2-for-1 special!!!

38   carrieon   2014 Apr 13, 7:45pm  

Tila Tequila could be a Computerized Bot for all that is known about her? Otherwise, the surgery on her looks great!

39   zzyzzx   2014 Apr 14, 1:26am  

We should also ban the import of Russians, since they seem to like to annex anyplace that Russians happen to move to.

40   Strategist   2014 Apr 14, 2:26am  

zzyzzx says

We should also ban the import of Russians, since they seem to like to annex anyplace that Russians happen to move to.

Unless they have a lot of money, as that would turn them into good American capitalists.

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