patrick.net

And then, aside from the 50% divorce rate, we have miserable ppl who stay together because from expectations from immediate families like ppl of Orthodox Jewish, Cambodian, Indian, etc, origins who're not suppose to be divorcing.

I'm going to say this ... 80% of those who marry, aren't happy, divorce or not.

Sorry Rin, I didn't wanna get married but swept off my feet.

13 years of bliss, surprisingly enough.

NoCoupForYou says

13 years of bliss, surprisingly enough.

Ok, but I was asking about the other 80%.

The guy paying for child care support but only seeing his kids occasionally. The woman stalking a man, trying to get at his private investments, etc.

The miserable ppl, who because both of their parents had come from let's say Soviet Armenia, are too afraid to divorce because it would devastate ppl around them.

How about those ppl?

Don't get married, and make unilateral no-fault divorce impossible. Fault, Consent, or STFU, you're stuck.

NoCoupForYou says

Don't get married

That's all I needed to hear.

Never marry a professional litigant.

I'm quite happily married, but have to say that no man should get married in these days of state-sponsored feminism. Why obligate yourself to one-sided alimony and possibly even the obligation to support another man's child if she cheats?

Better to just live together indefinitely.

Patrick says

I'm quite happily married, but have to say that no man should get married in these days of state-sponsored feminism.

Finally ... some TRUTH!!!!

Rin will bite the dust eventually. Women are sneaky that way. It's like throwing yourself out of the airplane and wondering if you remembered the parachute.

Ceffer says

Rin will bite the dust eventually. Women are sneaky that way. It's like throwing yourself out of the airplane and wondering if you remembered the parachute.

Well yeah, but if I can at least survive till 85 to 100, at least I'd made natural life span and wouldn't have been wasted by unnatural causes.

A child still needs 2 parents (mom and dad). I always did want to be a good husband and good father.

I know that’s not for everyone. Today’s government screams equality, but sponsors feminism basically like Patrick stated.

Fortwaynemobile says

A child still needs 2 parents (mom and dad).

This has always been the case.

Fortwaynemobile says

sponsors feminism

This is reality.

Ceffer says

Never marry a professional litigant.

Fixed:
Never marry

Do pre-nups include a minimum number of blow jobs per year? Like, 500 or so?

Ceffer says

Do pre-nups include a minimum number of blow jobs per year? Like, 500 or so?

And could the wife "contract them out" when she is indisposed?

Ceffer says

Do pre-nups include a minimum number of blow jobs per year? Like, 500 or so?

"And could the wife "contract them out" when she is indisposed?"

Maybe a $1000 credit toward the community property for the man for every blowjob short, or pro-rated for low quality.

Love marriage and family life. I also loved being a single bachelor. Happiness isn’t your status, it’s your outlook on life and how you feel at peace with where you are.

Goran! Nice to see ya man.

NoCoupForYou says

Goran! Nice to see ya man.

Couple of long timers have been MIA for a bit. Good to see you back. Anyone hear from Strat? Don't think I've seen a post from him in a while.

Sorry been MIA for a while. Traveled to Maui in August. My son is in swim meets now and competing under USA swimming. So was traveling a little for that.

Also spent some time in Oregon, not the socialists enclave of Portland but more on the coast. So beautiful.

Patrick says

I'm quite happily married, but have to say that no man should get married in these days of state-sponsored feminism. Why obligate yourself to one-sided alimony

Urgh. I friend of mine, who lurked reading this blog for years, was (literally) driven to suicide over such a thing like Patrick mentioned here.

Just about the only thing that's made me angry for decades, is the sympathy his friends continue to express to that black widow b*tch. He confided in me for years how miserable he was.

It was all about keeping up appearances in the Housewives of Silicon Valley Joy Luck Pecking-Order Club, but refusing to work outside the home to help pay for that.

For years I wanted to tell him to divorce the b*tch and sue her ass for child support. Especially when the older kid became old enough to express preference for the father, as the mother was not a loving mother. Those were just anchor babies for her, and when the older one started school, her little mini-me status symbols.

F*ck. Now he's gone and can't be there between his kids and the Queen Witch.

As much as I dislike Islam, and Mormonism to some extent. I think they do get some things right about marriage. Though on occasion I've read about not-so-perfect Mormon marriages. Islam maybe the same but the chick gets set straight I bet.

“Optimists replied with ...” 😂😂😂

Thanks for the laughs Rin. Seriously. I found it hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing.

80% of those who marry aren’t happy, divorced or not. Can we interpret this as we are in the 20% category, or maybe even in the top 5-10% of the 20%? I’ll be happily married for 18 years this weekend. Dated her over 7 years before that. Over 25 years together. 🥰🥰🥰

Life is great if you marry the right one. We miss 100% of all shots we don’t take. We took our shot and got lucky.

B.A.C.A.H. says

Urgh. I friend of mine, who lurked reading this blog for years, was (literally) driven to suicide over such a thing like Patrick mentioned here.

Oh man, that's sad.

E-man says

80% of those who marry aren’t happy, divorced or not. Can we interpret this as we are in the 20% category, or maybe even in the top 5-10% of the 20%? I’ll be happily married for 18 years this weekend. Dated her over 7 years before that. Over 25 years together. 🥰🥰🥰

Life is great if you marry the right one. We miss 100% of all shots we don’t take. We took our shot and got lucky

lol. I'm in this group. 21 years. Not always perfect, but we're pretty darn happy.

I don't necessarily agree about the luck part though. I think too many guys think with their dick brain and not their actual brain when it comes to finding a woman. I personally don't think it's too hard to spot the toxic chicks. But who knows, maybe there is some luck to it.

The other key is to find one that make $$$$$. If they don't need your money, a separation is likely to go much smoother. And the fact that finances should be less of a point of contention/argument. Besides kids, money and family, there's really not much to get upset about if you have those sectors in order.

The other key is to find one that make $$$$$. If they don't need your money, a separation is likely to go much smoother.

Also, if they have their own money, they are likely marrying you for the right reason.

WookieMan says

Anyone hear from Strat? Don't think I've seen a post from him in a while

Two theories:
1 His contract wasn't renewed.
2 He finished the investigation.

I guess I am one of the lucky ones too. Fourteen years of marriage but nearly 20 years together. We lived only a few blocks away from each other at the beach so it was easy to have a nice long courtship/engagement without the pressure of getting married too quick. By the time we moved in together, we already knew each other very well so there was never any major drama. We are pretty Ying and Yang though which I think is the secret to our success. We have a blessed life with great kids and a great community and can't imagine anything much better.

E-man says

Can we interpret this as we are in the 20% category, or maybe even in the top 5-10% of the 20%?

Yes, you're in the elite subdivision of society ... called happily married long term.

And that's probably part of the reason why you don't see the shit around you. I have a friend, happily married for 15 years, and he and his wife have avoided toxic couples who're very resentful of their successful partnership.

One of them was actually a former boss who not only had a nagging wife but one who spied on his subordinates as well, getting the former boss in trouble with HR.

As far as what I really miss from my last relationship, some 8+ years ago ....

https://patrick.net/post/1324502/2019-05-18-what-is-rin-s-real-problem#commentform

FYI, I really miss ejaculating in her mouth ...



It felt so good!

socal2 says

We lived only a few blocks away from each other at the beach so it was easy to have a nice long courtship/engagement without the pressure of getting married too quick.

This I think is key. Not being pressured to marry. If the guy or girl hangs with each other for 4-5+ years without a ring/engagement, I personally think the success rate of the marriage goes way up.

If for some reason I ever had to date again with the intention of potentially getting married, I'd do it the same way. I think I was about 10 years and then 11 years of marriage now. Probably wouldn't go that long again, but a chick pushing for marriage quicker than 2 years should be considered suspicious as hell. Especially if she needs financial support. Outside of religious connotations, I think the only actual upside to marriage is it makes your estate easier to handle when you die. There really are no other worthwhile, quantitative advantages to marriage.

That's why I'm so surprised gay people pushed for government to recognize it. Little did they know (some did) they were just handicapping their future lives. But whatever. I suppose gays are probably more like the money grabbing wife that does it to get sugar daddy's money.

WookieMan says

I think I was about 10 years and then 11 years of marriage now.

Ok, but that's in effect, crossing the entire youth spectrum. Realize, a vast majority of ppl make most the major changes in their lives, prior to the age of 35, not so much afterwards.

So what'll happen after 35 is that more and more ppl will be settled in their ways and thus, make that long term thing even less likely. If you remember that visiting Chilean scholar to New England, she was the first true high quality woman I'd known and was widowed when her husband (from grad school) died, a few years prior to us meeting. So sure, if I were younger, didn't meet Alanis Morrissette, and wasn't living the Rin Wah way, then she would have been a great catch. But today, I don't want that anymore. I like traveling the world, poking hoes, drinking gin, and listening to hard rock.

The only reason for a man to be married is to 1. please someone else 2. please society norms

Females like the idea of marriage; they see the voluntary self-entrapment by the male as an affirmation of her worth beyond all present and future other females.

This if of course untrue; you can divorce her and hang out with the next one if you want to spend the $$$ on the divorce.

If you want to go through your life pleasing others to avoid confrontations or loneliness, then marriage may be for you.

I have female company presently visiting me; it's nice to have company and someone to take meals with, go do chores with, etc.

I see this as an advantage of cohabitation, not marriage however.

WookieMan says

There really are no other worthwhile, quantitative advantages to marriage.

To me - marriage is mostly about raising a family and propagating the species.

If I had no intention of having kids, I wouldn't bother with marriage - even with the tax benefits.

socal2 says

To me - marriage is mostly about raising a family and propagating the species.

If I had no intention of having kids, I wouldn't bother with marriage - even with the tax benefits

Agreed. And agreed. Unless you're poor though, the tax benefits are not substantial and potentially negative. Regarding kids and tax benefits it's really nothing once you account for what the kids actually cost. You're out more money.

clambo says

The only reason for a man to be married is to 1. please someone else 2. please society norms

Females like the idea of marriage; they see the voluntary self-entrapment by the male as an affirmation of her worth beyond all present and future other females.

This if of course untrue; you can divorce her and hang out with the next one if you want to spend the $$$ on the divorce.

If you want to go through your life pleasing others to avoid confrontations or loneliness, then marriage may be for you.

I have female company presently visiting me; it's nice to have company and someone to take meals with, go do chores with, etc.

I see this as an advantage of cohabitation, not marriage however.

I honestly like the familiarity and lack of artificial social niceties. My wife knows that I like a little back rub after working, she knows the kind of food I like, and I can take a dump in the same bathroom she's doing her hair and it's not gross to her.

With a new girl, you have to go through the dog and pony show, hiding the reality of your grossness from someone in an attempt to paint a nicer picture of yourself. Man, I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore. What a hassle.

Goran_K says

I can take a dump in the same bathroom she's doing her hair and it's not gross to her.

Yah we don’t do that. Peeing is ok, but neither of us are trying to take a dump in front of the other. A little mystery there is abso-fucking-lutely fine!

Shaman says

Goran_K says

I can take a dump in the same bathroom she's doing her hair and it's not gross to her.

Yah we don’t do that. Peeing is ok, but neither of us are trying to take a dump in front of the other. A little mystery there is abso-fucking-lutely fine!

Lol!! I don't know, shitting and having a conversation has been a part of my relationship (no interest in seeing or watching it though). Better than walking through Bay Area shit filled streets, right? At least I know who the shit belongs to and there won't be a needle embedded in said shit.

Goran, I appreciate your point about feeling at ease with someone.

The part about crapping around someone is a bit off the hook to me.

Therein may be a clue about the guys who can get married and those who cannot; I cannot share all of my personal hygiene, secrets, texts, emails, conversations, etc. with anyone else. I have friends I may tell some of the above to, but not all and surely no bodily functions take place in front of anyone.

Interesting thing, once I was dating a Chinese girl and in our motel she went to the bathroom to take a crap and didn't bother the close the door; she wasn't shy about my knowing what she was doing in there. I said "Our custom is to close the door for things like that." I wasn't rude about it, but I could actually see her sitting on the commode.