patrick.net

OK, not pictures, but two money jokes I heard when studying in Germany years ago.

2 marks:

A guy buys a 2 mark lottery ticket and wins millions. He puts it all into his dream house, made with teak wood, oriental carpets, very posh. A week later an electrical fault causes the whole thing to burn to the ground.

His friends see that he's still perfectly happy. They say "Aren't you sad about your loss?" The guy replies "Why should I be sad about 2 marks?"


boat:

A rich German businessman goes on vacation to Spain to enjoy the coast and the sunshine. He sees a poor Spaniard lying on the deck of his boat all day, doing nothing. He says to the Spaniard "That's the problem with you people, you're too lazy!"

The Spaniard says "How should I be?" The German replies "You should be industrious like me! Work hard for a few decades, make a lot of money. Then you can relax and enjoy life."

The Spaniard replies "I already do" and goes back to sleep.

Programmer joke.

Patrick says

jokes

1. Q: How was copper wire invented?
A. Two Dutchmen got hold of a penny.

2. Aliens caught Russian, French and German, locked them in a closed room 2 by 2 meters, and each was given two titanium balls.
Whoever will be able to surprise us (aliens) we'll let him go, but if not, you will be experimented on.

A day later they visit a Frenchman! He stands in the middle of the room and masterly juggles balls!
- Well, Frenchman, you surprised us, if those two didn't come up with anything, we will let you go.

Next is German! He masterly juggles titanium balls while marching!
Well, German, we are! Now let's see what the Russian came up with and we might let you go!

The alien comes to the Russian! A minute later, all stunned and
says: - No, guys, you all lost, the Russian broke one ball and lost the other !!!!

I don't really get the Russian joke, but, I'm like titanium - dense.

rocketjoe79 says

I don't really get the Russian joke, but, I'm like titanium - dense.

just ethnic jokes playing on European stereotypes...

rocketjoe79 says

locked them in a closed room 2 by 2 meters

"locked them in a closed room 2 by 2 meters" is the key.

I just love how the guy is holding his glasses because her foot is behind his head.

rocketjoe79 says

I don't really get the Russian joke, but, I'm like titanium - dense.

Highly ironic, since titanium isn't dense at all.

Patrick says

I just love how the guy is holding his glasses because her foot is behind his head.

And it looks like he is getting a footjob....

Owning it!

My favorites pronouns so far, by Gina Carano, are "beep, bop, boop".

We should always be taunting the idiots who hallucinate there are more sexes than male and female.

Onvacation says

Owning it!

How could any self-respecting therapist counsel this person instead of referring them immediately to a hospital for mental illness?

Patrick says

jokes

There was a ship sinking off the German coast, the captain of the ship called in.
"May Day! May Day! Help me I'm sinking!"
The Coast guard replied on the radio.
"And what are you sinking about?"

The Japanese motor company Nissan contacted the very successful Volkswagen in Germany about a new trade name to distance themselves from the Nipponese Empire after WW2 and they needed it by Monday.

The Germans responded, "Dat Soon"?

(some of you youngsters might not get that one.)

Like they always said: you idiot proof something, they go out and invent a better idiot.

I heard it was usually the vacuum cleaner that puts young men in the emergency room.

Note to self: never put the RealDoll into high suction mode.

If all imports were as robust as the Datsun cars, there would be no car market.
What Nissan did to Datsun is almost as bad as what Fiat did to Mopar.

I knew lots of people for many decades that had a Datsun B10. No battery, no problem. Just open the drivers door, push you leg back until the wheel moves past a quarter revolution, pop the clutch in reverse, give it some gas. And you're off to the races. Dead Battery never left you stuck on the side of the road with that thing..
I had a friend that had one, he was going to junk. So he took the oil and water out of it, and tried to drive it as far as he could, before the motor blew up and seized. We must have put over 400 miles on that thing trying to kill it. It still started when the tow truck came for it. Though every gasket leaked and smoked like hell and smelt like a Oil rig fire.
After the tow truck took it away, he said. Had I had known it was that tough, I would have fixed it up.

personal

astronut97 says

You are a fucking asshole. Trump wants to fuck his own daughter and you pick on Biden without any evidence. Fuck you!

Biden never met a kid he didn't grope.
And Biden took showers with her daughter, she wrote about it in her Diary that her creepy pervy brother kept on his laptop, the he left at computer repair shops when he was high on crack and flacca.

Biden's daughter is an admitted nymphomaniac because Pedo Joe molested her when she was a child and hyper sexualized her. She said so in her rehab diaries.

HunterTits says

astronut97 says

you pick on Biden without any evidence. You are a fucking asshole. Fuck you!

Evidence:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4PLSPvJ9BY

I sure am sick of people demanding evidence that haas been out there for months, and has been repeatedly censored to boot and then when you show them, they just deny it anyhow.

HunterTits says

Evidence:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4PLSPvJ9BY

That sick mother fucker is leader of the free world?

Onvacation says

That sick mother fucker is leader of the free world?

There is no free world.

richwicks says

HunterTits says

astronut97 says

you pick on Biden without any evidence. You are a fucking asshole. Fuck you!

Evidence:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4PLSPvJ9BY

I sure am sick of people demanding evidence that haas been out there for months, and has been repeatedly censored to boot and then when you show them, they just deny it anyhow.

Also, demanding evidence on Biden but then adding the totally unsubstantiated and absurd "Trump wants to fuck his own daughter" shows an irrational bias.

HeadSet says

unsubstantiated and absurd "Trump wants to fuck his own daughter" shows an irrational bias.

Right. People who say things like that have declared themselves to be "mindreaders" as Scott Adams puts it.

Must be nice to have supernatural powers like that.

HeadSet says

Also, demanding evidence on Biden but then adding the totally unsubstantiated and absurd "Trump wants to fuck his own daughter" shows an irrational bias.

Or, a complete lack of ability for TDS-stricken individuals to argue their position with facts. It is akin to religion, whereby you are right because you are right, no proof or logic needed. If you disagree, we will not discuss or argue - we will insult or preferably burn you at stake.
Demanding evidence is fine, but they will never analyze facts when presented. Facts will be dismissed because reality is wrong if it contradicts their world view.

Onvacation says

That sick mother fucker is leader of the free world?

On what planet is there this FREE WORLD you speak of?

komputodo says

On what planet is there this FREE WORLD you speak of?

Mars. We're going to have to go to fucking Mars.

just_passing_through says

komputodo says

On what planet is there this FREE WORLD you speak of?

Mars. We're going to have to go to fucking Mars.

Sounds expensive...not free.

Doubly so for the legacy news media..