patrick.net

Lol, that image is so true!

Which image are you referring to?

MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook has updated its community standards today, declaring that anyone who says the COVID-19 virus wasn't developed in the lab in Wuhan will be banned for sharing fake news.

Mark Zuckerberg, may he live forever, announced the change from his royal throne today to a group of reporters gathered in his royal throne room.

"Hear ye, hear ye!" Zuckerberg announced. "From henceforth, anyone saying the virus wasn't created in a lab shall be banned! While previously, those who said the virus was created in a lab were hanged, this royal decree hereby reverses the order, and now, those who deny the obvious truth that it was created in a lab shall be declared anathema and sentenced to die!"

Zuckerberg's royal scribes then began scrubbing the old rule from the giant Community Standards tablets displayed in the throne room and chiseling the updated rule on top.

"So it is written, and so it is done!" announced Zuckerberg.

BABYLON, FL—The Babylon Bee would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Xi Jinping for a very, very bad mistake we made earlier. We continued to refer to him as "president" in our articles, when we really should have called him Winnie the Pooh, as he self-identifies as a honey-loving stuffed bear who lives in the Hundred Acre Wood.

Here is our apology, Mr. Pooh:

亲爱的习近平领导人，对于您称呼您为“总统”，我们深感抱歉。 我们知道您确定是吃蜂蜜且非常胖的黄熊。 我们犯了一个非常非常非常严重的错误，我们非常非常爱您和中国政府。 用不与之相称的代词来误认一个人是非常糟糕的。 您是小熊维尼，我们希望尊重这一身份。 因此，从现在开始，我们将永远只称您为小熊维尼（Winnie the Pooh），这是一只可爱的毛绒熊，与克里斯托弗·罗宾（Christopher Robin）一起玩，非常笨。 非常感谢，请不要将我们送到监狱营地。

Thank you very much for your understanding, and may this lead to greater cooperation between our inferior country and your much superior land of the Hundred Acre Wood.

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-begins-running-2024-campaign-ads-on-gas-station-pumps

Dey won’t be giving you dis information, only dat information. Dey know what’s best for you!