patrick.net

Rum for the border? You're playing a different tuna, now. Rats always leave a sinking ship. I'm not calling you a rat, but I'm feeling rummy and my attitude is going down the hatch. I need a vacation. I'm off to Margaritaville, gonna have me some sex on the beach. That'll lift my spirits.

Bailing? That's no way to make a splash. Sea air, young lady, you can't do that. Vodka would I do without you? You're a glass act. Well? You just can't whiskey away. We've beerly started slinging. Still, I only have ice for you, especially in the moonshine. I'm soda upset at this development. What a twist. You should have watered down your post. I'm staggering. Come on, give it another shot.

You don't know Jack. I'm a few sheets to the wind and am sailing away to somewhere awesome. I stagger to think of my options. I know that you're hoping I'll be cheery, but so far all I can say is you're blending the facts, here.

I may be eel equipped but at least I'm not building sand castles in the air. I guess I have to pick up the Pisces. Can you fathom that? Still, I get by with a little kelp from my friends. What do you mako of that?
Well, actually, I really don't want to wind up on squid row. I'm doing some serious sole searching now.
You know, back in the day, I used to be bass player for a rock grouper named the Keel Bills. We had some cool tunas. The gills really liked me and why not? I was a good catch and they had the right bait so guess what? I wound up with the cod damned crabs. It was not exactly the high water mark of my career.

It's getting deep - but no man is an island. I can't fathom why you barged right in and rapidly changed the subject. Canoe?

Is this a matter of krill or be krilled? I think it reely is. I'm racking my brine but at least that's betta than nothing. I'm jawstified in doing so. I don't want my mussels to atrophy. I still want to surf up more puns even if things get stormy. I just need a few tugs but what the helm? That won't encompass much. since I don't want things to go south.

Do you guys have a pun generating program or what?

How long does it take to compose a paragraph for each or you two pun heads?

Is this some kind of frodo opportunity?

Personally, it's on the fly wordplay and only takes minutes. Creative narrative puntification. It elevates the lowly pun and seems to floor some folks when the puns escalate to push their buttons and it does have its ups and downs.

frodo says

Do you guys have a pun generating program or what?
How long does it take to compose a paragraph for each or you two pun heads?

If I can't whip out an answer in 10-15 minutes, I don't do it. Mikey is the king of the puns, don't know how he does it. But I write each one independently - might get a list of words to go by (for instance, google "cooking terms" but I have too short of an attention span to work too hard at it.

It might help that I'm blonde, and there's not a whole lot else rattling around in my head.

:)

Ellis is a blonde?
Is she the hair apparent with her cutting posts? Is she trying to make waves going at this clip? She really bangs them out. Must be her conditioning. She really nails it. Will it be permanent? Is it just a curl thing she's trying to iron out? Does she expect me to dye or something? Will I be parting? Color me confused. I really don't mean to be frosty and I don't want to give her the brush off. I'll try to beehive, but shearly she can't be serious. However, I will root for her.
Well, salon for now. I gotta blow. I'm gonna go watch the Braidy bunch.
PS: There's no truth to this lousy post. It's all lice.

Let me get this straight - your long replies Bumpit up a notch and I like your style. You're kinky sometimes - but you're suave and debon-hair with great finesse. I often comb through your posts and find that you are head & shoulders above the rest. I'm a pert little number and know that your house of brecks will come crashing down one day. You're driving a wedge between us and I no longer want to shag you, btw.

I'll call my friend Claire - clairol help me find more puns for sure.

P.S. You'll probably have to go to the clinique to get rid of the lice, but gee, your hair smells terrific.

A hair raising post. Thanks for the heads up. I'm blown away. It cuts both ways and eclipse my post but please don't get snippety.
I'd like to thank hair majesty for hairing me out and for not being a hot head. I've always seen you as the mane attraction who's on the cutting edge. A real mane eventer who has many loyal follicles.
And you're also a fan of the Grateful Head. I assume it all goes back to your urban roots and your sleek mane frame. To put it simply, it's a shear delight. Something to dye for. You'e a real blade runner and not a chop-a-holic. You deserve a Waverunner, too, but please don't get tangled up with me. That's knot a good idea, even though I'd go to the mat for you.
Just teasing.
Gotta go now, my parsnips are ready and this alley cut is hungry. But watch for the combing attractions.

mikey says

RIP Phil.
This was our favorite reality show. We have all the dvd’s.
How sad his lifestyle was killing him. His blood pressure was 170/110. Family history of blood clots. Chain smoking, drinking, caffeine. little sleep, harsh weather.
He chose this destiny.
PS: My dad caught crabs, too. At least I remember him mentioning it.

I think dose were a different kind of crabs mate....the small testicular kind heh?.......DEY TUK OUR MF'n JERBS!

Raise your hand if you ever caught crabs.......ROTFLMAO while SMDH.

....and SMB (Scratchin' My B***S)

Someone's off their meds.

elliemae says

Someone’s off their meds.

Yes, it's a hard pill too swallow when you're all bottled up and that just compounds the problem.

I'm throwing in the towel, for now. I don't mean to be a wet blanket but I'm having a sew-sew day.

Even if we are cut from the same cloth, I don't cotton to your needling me on this thread. Don't be a sew and sew. You've got me in stitches already.

And sew goes the fabric of our lives...

You covered it nicely for a material girl.

How's this for bad luck (and grieving children):

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20345801,00.html

I got no puns for this. Poor guy just lost his father, I'd probably still be drunk too.

How sad.