patrick.net

Fired After 31 Years
James "Jim" Whitey, the head gardener at the White Housewas dismissed today after 31 years of loyal service to scores
of US Presidents and First Ladies.

In an exclusive interview outside the back gate of the Presidential
Residence, the 64-year old Mr. Whitey, proclaimed his innocence
and strongly condemned his firing.

"It all happened so fast. I'm still in a daze," said the bewildered
Whitey. "All I know is, I was getting ready to weed the rose bed
outside the Oval Office window like I do every week.

I called out to my assistants, "Has anyone seen the spade and the
hoe?" and the next thing I knew, the Secret Service was hauling my
ass off the property.

www.youtube.com/embed/2RVGCa94cxo

Make America Hot Again!
On a purely superficial note, if I'm going to have to see a couple of women, constantly, for the next 4 years – I want the Trumps.

Some Jedi ass rides a tauntaun in the middle of traffic.

www.youtube.com/embed/xn3vvbD0X1M

It wouldn't be so bad if he would quit slicing off people's side mirrors with his light saber.

http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/13603/the-25-funniest-autocorrects-of-dyacs-first-year/

To celebrate Damn You Autocorrect’s 1-year anniversary online, we compiled the Top 50 Fan Favorite DYAC entries (as determined by Facebook shares, tweets, comments, and pageviews). And now… here are the top 25 entries! Enjoy – and keep all the great submissions coming! 25.

rando says

I love the bartender.

I prefer a Scottish Breakfast, whatever.

This is true. I managed to draw a qwerty keyboard using only memory, but I had to pretend to type on my drawing to remember what each key was. I could map memory going from letter or symbol to hand movement, but not map key location to character. Weird, huh?

This is the only tattoo I'd consider getting. And then just to go out with a joke.

No picture and too lazy to make my own...

There are more women named Ashley Madison then there are women on Ashely Madison.