patrick.net

Just ordered a book Patrick. :)

cheers.

Ordered your book over the weekend...I have learned many a lesson over the past few years reading here...looking forward to the book. Thx.

Well, that title does make it sound like you aim to provide your male readers with ammo against their wife's irrational demands to spend their husbands money on a big house. I just think there are more exceptions to that notion than you believe (like as in it's not true in real life anymore) but this book really isn't about that.

freak80 says

True that. But she still gets half your stuff if she divorces you.

Aren't both entitled to half of everything they acquired during their marriage? So if they contributed equally (or the wife contributed more), the husband wouldn't be 'losing' anything.

jessica says

Well, that title does make it sound like you aim to provide your male readers with ammo against their wife's irrational demands to spend their husbands money on a big house. I just think there are more exceptions to that notion than you believe (like as in it's not true in real life anymore) but this book really isn't about that.

I think it still is somewhat more than half true. About 2/3 of men earn more their wives in the US.

And I think if you flip it around, you'd probably find that about 2/3 of women are the ones driving the purchase of a house. But I'm just guessing there, from my experience living in this culture.

And yes, the book is all about ammo. That what it is, really: a self-defense course for people being pressured to buy. The wife thing is just one part of it.

Make a DRM-free ebook (pdf, Kindle formatted, whatever) for the same price as the physical book and I'll buy one immediately.

Patrick,

Do you think there'll be momentum for more items for sale (similar to xkcd)?

http://store.xkcd.com/

you already have a book, may be you can add more merchandise.

just a thought.

I think it still is somewhat more than half true. About 2/3 of men earn more their wives in the US.

How many of that 2/3 are the sole wage earner? Women making 85% of their husband's wage probably don't like to throw their money down the crapper either...

And I think if you flip it around, you'd probably find that about 2/3 of women are the ones driving the purchase of a house. But I'm just guessing there, from my experience living in this culture.

Maybe but I just gave you two examples of where a wife had to provide the arguments against buying. So in my demographic, this doesn't seem all that true to me. Does that matter? Only if you might offend someone in your intended audience.

And yes, the book is all about ammo. That what it is, really: a self-defense course for people being pressured to buy. The wife thing is just one part of it.

Agreed, I just wouldn't want your other ammo to be ignored by some people in your potential audience because of a possible interpretation of a (as you say) somewhat politically incorrect statement....

I'd be delighted if there were.

I have bumper stickers, but maybe should branch out into posters and clothing.

I think it would be funny to create OVERPRICED stickers for people to put on for-sale signs, but I'd probably get in trouble for that...

jessica says

Agreed, I just wouldn't want your other ammo to be ignored by some people in your potential audience because of a possible interpretation of a (as you say) somewhat politically incorrect statement....

I had my own wife review the book, and our marriage survived.

I don't want to offend women, but I honestly believe a lot of mortgage debt is created by realtors pressuring wives to pressure husbands. Just like in that video.

How can I put it without lying about what I really think?

From the female perspective--We were in the process of relocating out of state and I was the one that found this site and presented it's arguments for renting vs. buying. However, we both struggled with the "emotional" arguments for home..or rather...mortgage ownership...and caved and bought after a year. Honestly, the emotional card to buy is the most difficult to overcome, because we had all the head knowledge not to. Fortunately, for us, we were able to take advantage of this crazy AZ market...and were able to sell, and get all our $$ back. Didn't make any, but didn't loose any. I certainly would not recommend the path we took, but we learned some valuable life lessons in the process. Happy to be renting again...

It's not politically correct to say so, and of course there are exceptions, but even today a house is generally seen as something provided by a husband for a wife -- and that's in just about every culture on earth.
The characters in "Suzanne Researched This" are playing on these traditional roles because that's what's in people's brains:

Shutup woman, I just came into the kitchen for a beer at half-time.

A little more background on men and women in buying houses:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/07/garden/07men.html?pagewanted=all

Married couples make up the largest group of new home buyers. Next, according to research from the National Association of Realtors, are single women, who in the last 12 months represented 21 percent of home buyers; single men were just 10 percent. That gap has opened up in the last decade, said Paul Bishop, vice president for research at the association.

Those women want that house. The men, not so much. By a factor of more than 2 to 1.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/nVGxJAd0iYs

Men are supposed to be the providers - the hunter/gatherers. If you don't buy your wife a house you're a useless piece of shit who wasn't good enough to marry her in the first place - if only the good one hadn't gotten away....

Women are emotional when it comes to home buying. And men have no ammunition against emotion.

Any closer to a digital edition yet?

I still don't see how to publish on Kindle without giving up rights to publish anywhere else.

I'm tempted just to give away a PDF that has maybe 25% of the book in it, and let people copy that however they want as advertising for the paper book.

I love paper books.

Call it Crazy says

It's not JUST home buying... they are emotional with every other issue of life!!

Oh, so you think I'm an emotional mess? sniff.... you hurt my feelings! I can't do anything right! I never should have answered that post!

Other people answered my posts without making me cry... don't know why you chose to pick on me! I'm calling all my girlfriends and telling them that you said I wasn't good enough! (heavy sob)...

I still don't see how to publish on Kindle without giving up rights to publish anywhere else.

I'm tempted just to give away a PDF that has maybe 25% of the book in it, and let people copy that however they want as advertising for the paper book.

I love paper books.

Just a thought, but would it be bad to only sell on Amazon? I don't like their rights restrictions, but then at the same time it's just for this one book.

Any restriction on where I can sell my own work is not acceptable.

I'm actually kind of amazed anyone puts up with it.

I don't want to offend women, but I honestly believe a lot of mortgage debt is created by realtors pressuring wives to pressure husbands. Just like in that video.

And just like in the book of Genesis.

I wish this could go mainstream, but unlikely. Just this weekend I was out with friends and talk about the house next door (I rent) being up for sale for 350k with 10k in taxes was viewed as a "good price." I was trying to make a joke about it being a "bargain," but to my disappointment, they took it seriously. Keep in mind this house sold for 195k in 2001, and taxes have more than doubled since then.

Sadly, not informed enough to realize a 3000/month expense is far from a "bargain."

Any restriction on where I can sell my own work is not acceptable.

I'm actually kind of amazed anyone puts up with it.

Patrick - I understand your concern. Keep in mind going through Amazon does reduce the chance of stolen copies getting out there, and its the most popular e-book platform out there.

Woohoo, sales finally hit the 100 mark:

That's all physical copies, and I know at least some people have received them now.

RealisticOptimist1 says

I wish this could go mainstream, but unlikely. Just this weekend I was out with friends and talk about the house next door (I rent) being up for sale for 350k with 10k in taxes was viewed as a "good price." I was trying to make a joke about it being a "bargain," but to my disappointment, they took it seriously. Keep in mind this house sold for 195k in 2001, and taxes have more than doubled since then.

This could go mainstream!

Just loan your copy to them for a while.

Any chance of this being an iBook?

If not I'll order the dead-tree version on Amazon.

Vicente says

Any chance of this being an iBook?

Yes! That's next.

I just finished the Kindle enrollment, and Elliemae was right that I could skip the exclusivity of Kindle "Select". So the Kindle version should be out within a day. The .doc format was really bad, so I left it as PDF, but that got a few formatting issues as well, like missing page breaks. But at least all the content is there.

Now for the iBook format... I will see if I can get that done tonight.

Mandy Lifeboats says

I'm going to the Clark County Republican Central Committee meeting tonight in Las Vegas. The book should be arriving this afternoon, just in time for me to bring it with me to show it around.

Thank you! I think they'll like it, especially since Las Vegas had just about the worst bubble and crash of anywhere in the US except maybe Phoenix.

Not available in stores!

I'd like for stores to carry it, but I don't have a distributor, and bookstores don't like to deal with each individual author.

Elliemae told me that she paid the $25 to createspace.com to have "expanded distribution" through stores and other online sellers, but all they did was undercut her price, bringing her profit to $0, so she doesn't recommend that that.

Call it Crazy says

elliemae says

Women are emotional when it comes to home buying. And men have no ammunition against emotion.

It's not JUST home buying... they are emotional with every other issue of life!!

Humans are emotional beings. I used to generalize that it was "all the womens fault", until I experienced my assumptions in real life role reversals first hand, over and over again. It just seems to manifest itself differently, and we see it through our male eyes,,,,

Both men and women are emotional, just about different things. Different triggers set us off, and they align by gender. Speaking as a man, what sets me off the worst is lack of respect. When a coworker maligns me or makes light of what I do/did, I get angry as hell. When my wife makes the mistake of belittling me or talking down to me, even if she has a point about something, I get mad! If she nags at me like I'm a child that needs to be told again and again, I get mad, and nothing productive is accomplished.
On the other hand I think that women are set off more by the presence of or lack of shown love. If I refuse to help my wife with something, that to her, shows lack of love and she gets upset. If I don't compliment or dote on her and make her feel like I want to be with her, again lack of love = meltdown. If I, heaven forbid, make a disparaging comment about her person, that is just asking for an estrogen bomb! Forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, v-day etc are all manifestations of a lack of love.
Guys might feel love for their sweetheart all the time, but she needs us to show it for it to be any good for her.

At the risk of getting called sexist, I think you're right about that.

Men are wired to be acutely aware of their position in the heirarchy, and respect is how they measure that. Women want to know they are personally valued by their mate so that they can count on his help when they need it. Maybe an overgeneralization, but I don't think so. It just follows from reproductive biology.

Having had roosters and hens, you can clearly see gender roles there. There is no political correctness in chickens. The roosters are cocky. The hens are good mothers who need that rooster around for protection and support. Roosters feed the hens sometimes, giving them bugs and such.

The attitude toward owning a house is partly just biologically different in men and women, IMHO.

The Kindle version is now available!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009DRL91K

I'll make a separate thread about that.

Men are wired to be acutely aware of their position in the heirarchy, and respect is how they measure that. Women want to know they are personally valued by their mate so that they can count on his help when they need it. Maybe an overgeneralization, but I don't think so. It just follows from reproductive biology.

Yes, men and women are wired differently, but...it is not binary. There is a scale of behavior and while men tend to be grouped at one end and women on the other, depending on the behavior, there can be a lot of overlap.

There are probably many women who have felt pressured into buying a home by their "conspirator" husbands.

Also, these chapters:

Your Parents 27
Your Wife's Parents 27
Your Wife 27

Indicate that the book was written for men. Why not "Your Spouse's Parents" and "Your Spouse?"

Having had roosters and hens, you can clearly see gender roles there.

Humans generally have a much wider range of behavior than most other animals so it is a difficult comparison to make. I would wager that even with roosters and hens, if closely studied, you would see a "scale" of behavior.

I’ll be buying the book. I’m a very happy renter but in the market to buy when the time is right – right house, right price.

And I’m picky about any house I might purchase so I’m contentedly hunkered down in my apartment with wood floors, new carpet, upgraded ceiling fans, 24 hour fitness center, black appliances, detached garages, totally awesome pool with 24 hour access that my daughter loves and I don’t have to maintain, and concierge services. Everything has an upside and I’m enjoying the positives at my apartment. Missing an attached garage with the ability to wash my cars at home and the opportunity to putter around the yard gardening, but heck, now I’ve got more time to read and sunbathe!

And leo707’s totally right about that “overlap.” The female in me would have appreciated reading a gender-neutral chapter titled “Spouse” because while I’ve always wanted a wife, someone to do all the things for me that husbands have always demanded and felt entitled to, I have no plans to acquire one! I’m a rational, logical, self-sufficient female who works on her own cars and houses and tends towards facts and analyzing. To me the most important and exciting part of a house is the garage – ha! I think things through thoroughly and figure if it doesn’t work out in the timeframe that it takes me to process something then that means it just wasn’t right to begin with.

One of the most perplexing criticisms I receive from men and women is that I don’t engage in the games females normally play, and tend to process things logically instead of emotionally. It seems that we’re usually expected to fill specific gender roles and it throws people off when I don’t fit in the “female” box. Of course I sport long hair and high heels to try to even things out, but I think that just annoys the women and confuses the men!

There’s just no winning…

leo707 says

Indicate that the book was written for men. Why not "Your Spouse's Parents" and "Your Spouse?"

Because it really is the wife who wants the house much more than the husband, in general. Sure, there is overlap in gender roles, but the roles remain quite clearly distinct. The overlap does not make the fundamental differences irrelevant.

I was guessing before when I said that the pressure to buy is 2/3 from women and 1/3 from men, but after finding that article showing that 21% of sales are to single women and only 10% to single men, I'm pretty certain that I guessed right.

We should not let political correctness blind us to the reality in front of our eyes. I once had a debate with a coworker who claimed that there was no difference at all in capabilities between women and men. Zero. She did not have a good answer to the fact that there is no overlap at all in the world's records in weightlifting in the same weight class, for example.

We are animals and necessarily have the gender differences of animals. Not that they have to dominate everything, but they cannot be wished away or simply ignored either.

Got the book, and I am reading it now. My favorite concept is still...you rent the money, or rent the space. And at this point in my life, renting the space is much better for me...and is just as equally, my "home"!

happycamper says

Got the book, and I am reading it now. My favorite concept is still...you rent the money, or rent the space. And at this point in my life, renting the space is much better for me...and is just as equally, my "home"!

Please send me feedback on how to improve the next edition!

One thing I need to do is add a disclaimer saying I know it's not always the wife who is the one who wants to buy...

Please send me feedback on how to improve the next edition!

Also, don't forget to write a review on Amazon.

happycamper says

My favorite concept is still...you rent the money, or rent the space.

Yes, and even if you own outright without any debt, you're still renting the space via the opportunity cost and risk of loss. You're giving up alternative uses of and income on the money, and taking on the risk of falling equity. That's a little subtle for most people to get though.

Yes, and even if you own outright without any debt, you're still renting the space via the opportunity cost and risk of loss. You're giving up alternative uses of and income on the money, and taking on the risk of falling equity. That's a little subtle for most people to get though.

Agreed. Even if you pay off the mortgage, there is still the matter of taxes, ins., repairs, etc. and hoa fees, it you are lucky enough. So, you are correct...even if you "own" , there are still costs involved, not to mention the alternative uses of $$ and risk of falling equity you mentioned. Really, there is no such thing as owning it free and clear when you look at it from a broader perspective.

There is a fallacy here. This 'owning outright' all depends on
1. What would it rent for
2. How much cash paid
3. Get a HELOC but avoid using it unless you are super smart about it

If you do 1 and 2 well then,

4. You have an investment that earns income and will also gain value over time

If you do 3 right, then
5. You have liquidity.

Investing in the stock market is very risky and there is no box left to move into if you don't get it right.
Maybe use the worthless certificates to build a nest?