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I'm SHOCKED that such a travesty should exist! I blame it on the government - surely there is a law that's been broken but the conservative liberal politicians have directed the NSA (national soda administration) to look the other way.
I can't believe that my hard-earned tax dollars are going to fund programs that help the 98% when shit like this is happening. I doubt I'll sleep tonight, what with this vast conspiracy going on.
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Yup. Here it is.
Story: "Beer can found to contain soda!"
See? That proves everything. Surely any who read this will automatically agree with my political sentiments.