patrick.net

Not having voted Republican

Not letting Ann Coulter sit on my face

debyne says

Not letting Ann Coulter sit on my face

Out of all the people that you would or want to give a BJ to, you would choose Man Coulter?

I could have had a V8.

upisdown says

debyne says

Not letting Ann Coulter sit on my face

Out of all the people that you would or want to give a BJ to, you would choose Man Coulter?

Without a second thought. But she has to be wearing assless chaps have me bound in saran wrap.

epitaph says

Top 3 things I hate:

1. Lists

2. Irony

3. Pointless posts

But are you being true to yourself ?

I shot a 79 but took 6 mulligans. What do you think?

humanity says

epitaph says

Top 3 things I hate:

1. Lists

2. Irony

3. Pointless posts

But are you being true to yourself ?

It all comes down to fear and how you deal with it.
People at the end of their lives have little fear of
1. societal judgement
2. Their boss or ex boss, or not having enough money
3. Being rejected by others or having their feelings ridiculed.
4. Losing friends
5. Self-recrimination

Thus the list makes sense. Living a successful life is about putting fear in its place and finding the courage to do what you are meant to do. Few people achieve this, but monuments are built to and books are written about those who do.

Only the non-believers contemplate regrets on their deathbed.
Believers contemplate their ascension to heaven where they can then shit on their earthly enemies.

debyne says

But she has to be wearing assless chaps

The fact that (s)he's such a big ass, (s)he'll probably have to make a cocktail dress out of those chaps.

There's so many double meanings in that sentence that I lost track of the count.

Being I'm a bisexual woman, that will take those double meanings to a whole new level.

debyne says

Being I'm a bisexual woman, that will take those double meanings to a whole
new level.

LOL, good retort.

Out of curiousity, does your acknowledgement(or lack of) of Coulter's adam's apple depend on which sex you're into at the moment?

upisdown says

debyne says

Being I'm a bisexual woman, that will take those double meanings to a whole

new level.

LOL, good retort.

Out of curiousity, does your acknowledgement(or lack of) of Coulter's adam's apple depend on which sex you're into at the moment?

Haha...never thought of that actually. I'll be watching Fox tonight and I'll let you know in the morning.

1. I wish Rand Paul and I hadn't gotten high AND drunk, then....
2. fucked a cow in a pasture.
3. then the goat
4. consequently contracted Glibertopianism for over 20 years

5. voted Republican!

Vicente says

1. I wish Rand Paul and I hadn't gotten high AND drunk, then....

2. fucked a cow in a pasture.

3. then the goat

4. consequently contracted Glibertopianism for over 20 years

5. no pooftahs!

There are worse things than contracting freedom and fiscal responsibility ;)

mell says

There are worse things than contracting freedom and fiscal responsibility ;)

Yes but all I contracted was hypocrisy and a Tribble fetish

They say that no one on their deathbed ever said that they wished they spent more time at the office...

The top five? I wonder how this study was done... when one is first diagnosed with a terminal condition, they probably regret receiving the news.

There are stages - depending on the diagnosis, some people feel great and have no problems when they're entering the dying process but as time goes on they feel worse. Others are diagnosed when they feel like shit & never get to sit around and make up stupid fucking lists.

I've been with hundreds of people as they died, not one of them ever pulled out a list of any sort. This stuff is crap, written by some asshole with too much times on their hands.

elliemae says

I've been with hundreds of people as they died, not one of them ever pulled out a list of any sort.

Yes but you weren't INTERVIEWING them like this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbgyppGqBgg

There's what people publicly say their regrets are, and then there's the truth.

I, [insert name], wish I had
1. crushed my enemies, see them driven before me, and heard the lamentation of the women.
2. had sex with my wife and her sister then one time they were both drunk.
3. known that college coed was into drugs and got her high until she slept with me.
4. backstabbed Bob at work and had gotten promoted instead of him.
5. punched Barbara Bush in the stomach really hard when she was carrying W.
6. cheated on that test so I didn't have to waste summer in school.
7. read the Cliff's Notes and partied instead of reading the actual literature.

elliemae says

I've been with hundreds of people as they died, not one of them ever pulled out a list of any sort. This stuff is crap, written by some asshole with too much times on their hands.

Top 14 Cities for Starting a Contrabassoon Meetup

(Typical headline concocted by an editor/reporter with nothing else to write about.)

This list is a BS. The only regret of the dying is that they didn't BORROW MORE.

Straw Man says

This list is a BS. The only regret of the dying is that they didn't BORROW MORE.

Death - the ultimate default!

1. Why aren't there tens of thousands of jealous husbands beating me to death?
2-5: Why aren't there tens of thousands of jealous husbands beating me to death?

To be fair, I intend to start asking my dying patients their top five regrets.

In order for their answers to be even remotely accurate, they'll need to remain alert & oriented. This often means that the patient will have to choose between comfort and alertness - but hey, it's for science so they'll have to suck it up and deal with the pain.

I'll need to prove that they're alert & oriented x4 (person, place, time & situation), so I'll have to administer a Mini-mental exam or the Medicare approved PHQ-9:

Me: I'm sorry to have to ask this, but please spell "world" backward. And when you're done, please count backwards from 100 by sevens.

Them: Owwweeeee! Give me drugs, please! And shut the hell up and let me die!

After I've been reasonably assured that he/she is able to answer the questions, I'll ask the real question: What are your top five regrets? I'm willing to bet the answers would be....

1) I regret allowing you into my room
2) I regret allowing you to speak to me
3) I regret not taking enough medication to kill the physical pain and dull the emotional pain of dealing with dear, sweet elliemae...

Seriously bullshit "surveys" that fill up space on slow news days

Because you gave them no reason to.

HydroCabron says

1. Why aren't there tens of thousands of jealous husbands beating me to death?

2-5: Why aren't there tens of thousands of jealous husbands beating me to death?

I regret having regrets.

Vicente says

Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

Surprisingly dying isn't one of them.

dublin hillz says

They say that no one on their deathbed ever said that they wished they spent more time at the office...

Maybe someone who got laid off for slacking, then consequently lost health insurance, and died of an otherwise treatable illness might say they wished they spent more time at the office.