patrick.net

God calls press conference

The supreme being called a rare press conference today to insure that mankind was clear on his position.

Reading from a prepared statement God bellowed: “Today, Sarah Huckabee Sanders stated that I, GOD (thunder clap!), wanted Donald Trump to become president!

Nothing and I repeat NOTHING could be further from the heavenly truth.

Donald Trump is a lying, cheating bag of excrement and not one of my children. HIs soul has been owned by Beelzebub since he was a child.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, one of my misguided and sad creations, is mixing religion and politics…AGAIN (lightning bolt)!

Also, The evangelicals who have supported this slime bucket by ignored his many sins will be in for a big surprise on judgment day!”

He closed by creating a burning bush that spelled out, SINGLE PAYER!

https://www.whatthortoldme.com/god-calls-press-conference/

CBOEtrader says

Manafort, roger stone, and some Greek intern?

Flyn, Gates, Cohen. Add to that the cabinet resignations for corrupt practice. It isn't pretty, is it? Is it over?

Wut no Trump cartoon today?

A handful of people on process charges. Two guys on fiscal malfeasance that had nothing to do with Trump or the Election, much which began before he announced his candidacy.

Now it's wrapping up. Arresting Stone was a last grumpy FU, a shot in the dark to get something, and if not, punish Stone with a process charge.
"Stone said he had toast. He didn't say he had toast with butter and jam. Lying to a federal agent!"

There goes the Dem's biggest hopes.

rdm says

CBOEtrader says

Manafort, roger stone, and some Greek intern?

Flyn, Gates, Cohen. Add to that the cabinet resignations for corrupt practice. It isn't pretty, is it? Is it over?

Lol, process crimes and past shady business practices, nothing related to trump or his campaign.

More people were fired from the FBI, and were fired for actual related crimes. That's where your attention should be.

The key to all of this is "Andrew Weismann".

I believe he is also under federal investigation by the AUSA in Utah along with his co-conspirators Bruce Ohr, etc.

Weismann is a Democrat operative and hack who is within the federal bureaucracy at the Department of Justice along with Bruce Ohr, etc.

Almost all of the Process Crimes if was discovered from an IRS Audit would have resulted in nothing more than a fine the back taxes and plus interest.
None of these guys would have gone to jail.

A New Year message from President Trump

Right, all you schmucks and losers listen up because it’s time for my Noo Year’s Address to you – all of my loyal subjects both in American and around the world.

First off I’d like to tell everyone what a great job I’m doing as President, just the greatest job ever. Under my tenure, hey, isn’t that a great word… ‘tenure’ I just learned it, it means holding office apparently and using it makes me seem kinda smart. My speech writer told me to use it. He’s a real clever guy, just so clever.

Anyway, this year has seen my administration go from strength to strength as my many appointments of chief aides and advisors on weekly rotation and short-term contracts has helped stabilise our government. By the way, any of those guys who say they left of their own accord are peddling FAKE NEWS. It’s just a bunch of crap. I fired them all. They were sad guys unable to cut it when the chips were down. Just the worst kinda people. Bums and deadbeat wasters.

I’ve had a great year on the world stage too travelling around the globe slapping down dictators, and negotiation great deals for the US. Other leaders are quite frankly in awe of me. I always see them looking right at me and whispering to one another when I enter a room. I don’t doubt what they’re saying is that I’m really amazing but of course international protocol and diplomacy won’t allow them to come right out and say it directly in front of the cameras.

And what about that dumpy little kid with the weird haircut out in Korea? I made a proper Potsie out of him, didn’t I? That was so brilliant the way I handled him. He ain’t firing nukes at anyone now, is he? Hehe!

I’ve had a couple of meetings with that dame Theresa May from Britain too. Now I ain’t gonna say a lot about her abilities, but if she’d turned up as a contestant on The Apprentice, that’s my top-rated award-winning TV show, then she’d not have made it beyond the first task. Knowhadda mean?

Wow, she’s bad. Just so bad and she’s making a total mess of getting rid of Europe. I’ve wanted go over there and fix it all up real good myself, but in the end I figure Europe really doesn’t matter a lot to the US so let them get on with it themselves.

I’ve got Putin back in his box too. When was the last time you saw him bare-chested riding a horse or jumping into an ice-pond in his birthday suit? He’s too busy panicking because now in me he has a worthy foe who cannot be duped. If Putin tries anything then I’m ready for him just as soon as he says I am.

Now if I can just make a slight deviation to talk about me for a moment. That Stormy Daniels story was nothing more than a put-up job by my opponents and the Lefties and I have to tell you it’s cost me a lot to sort it out. $130,000 currently and counting, possibly even my Presidency if I can’t pay off a few more folks to get the impeachment proceedings stopped.

On a sad note I’ve had to offer up up a lot of thoughts and prayers this year as many of our citizens have needlessly lost their lives. But here’s the thing, if people wouldn’t insist on going to shopping malls, concert halls schools and cinemas or enjoy spending leisure time in public places then they’d not be shot dead in cold blood by folks just wanting to honour the 2nd Amendment of our great constitution and exercise their right to bear arms.

Finally I’d like to say a few words about my First lady Stormy… I mean Melania. Wow! Is she still one red-hot babe or what?

OK, I gotta stop gabbing now so I’ll finish with this. To my core supporters I say I hope 2019 brings you all even more guns and automatic assault rifles than you know what to do with, as much roast squirrel and roadkill as you can scrape off the highway and a beautiful great big high wall, so goddamn high, just the highest.

Let’s all look forward to 2019 when together we can make USA even greater than I have done already.

God Bless America!

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2018/12/31/a-new-year-message-from-president-trump/

No No no Liberals this is not Meming. Effective Meme's require actual truth. These Trump cartoons, are mere fantasies that the Democrats wish would happen or wish Trump would say. You Libs still don't get it. That's why we're eating your lunch.

Tenpoundbass says

require actual truth

LMAO !

marcus says

That's a good meme. Finally :)

CBOEtrader says

That's a good meme. Finally :)

Exactly as it plays on something that actually happened. Trump actually said those words. You can't inject wishful thinking into Memes.
That's just Liberal tears.

marcus says

Conspires with our enemies to obstruct unlawful witch hunts from Assbroke Democrats.
Pays hush money to porn stars. The jury is still out on that. You aren't even curios as to why Cohen never actully stood trial nor why his sentencing has been postponed?

He got paid big bucks to make shit up, and he doesn't have to go on record in the court of law to back his claims up.

He has been the biggest perpetrator of the Stormy Daniels lie. She wishes he would shut the fuck up before She goes to jail for lying.

That meme cries sourgrapes that is not a meme. It's petty politics as usual by the Lying Dems.

great addition to the Trump humor thread. Triggered much ?

Daddy Money or no Daddy Money. The average ratio of people that huge Lottery windfall that either kills the recipient or they end up broke in a very short time. Is quite high.

I've known several people in my life that inherited their Mom or Dad's money they all died Broke and Young.

Lol yeah these memes show a clueless and out of touch left.

Also just not funny.

Very funny to think these are considered "gotcha"'s to the left, though.

Do we want a deal maker on the battle field?

It cracks me up to hear the Liberals the Concious objectors of the Vietnam war during the Civil rights fiasco.
Honking and moaning about Draft dodgers today. It's very selective, like when they chose to believe rape victims or not. It depends on who's playing the nickel slots dictates the jackpot payout.

CBOEtrader says

Lol yeah these memes show a clueless and out of touch left.

Also just not funny.

Also I'm not as arrogant as you to point out that your memes and cartoons aren't funny. Of course they aren't funny to me, I'm not a lying moron. It goes without saying that I don't find them funny.

Likewise, you don't find the reality based humor I post is funny. I wouldn't expect you to.

marcus says

Likewise, you don't find the

Lolz dude, you are posting about how you despise America and Americans. That's not reality, it's a dark, sad perspective.

I feel for you man, you've been lied to

More irrelevant posts to the Trump humor thread.

The only time Fugelsang has called out Jesus' name is when he tripped down that long stairwell at the Improv.