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Political Humor Thread


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2019 Feb 17, 4:30pm   3,077,956 views  41,384 comments

by Patrick   ➕follow (60)   💰tip   ignore  

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9070   Patrick   2021 May 28, 9:11am  

https://babylonbee.com/news/facebook-now-banning-anyone-who-says-virus-wasnt-developed-in-wuhan-lab

MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook has updated its community standards today, declaring that anyone who says the COVID-19 virus wasn't developed in the lab in Wuhan will be banned for sharing fake news.

Mark Zuckerberg, may he live forever, announced the change from his royal throne today to a group of reporters gathered in his royal throne room.

"Hear ye, hear ye!" Zuckerberg announced. "From henceforth, anyone saying the virus wasn't created in a lab shall be banned! While previously, those who said the virus was created in a lab were hanged, this royal decree hereby reverses the order, and now, those who deny the obvious truth that it was created in a lab shall be declared anathema and sentenced to die!"

Zuckerberg's royal scribes then began scrubbing the old rule from the giant Community Standards tablets displayed in the throne room and chiseling the updated rule on top.

"So it is written, and so it is done!" announced Zuckerberg.
9071   Patrick   2021 May 28, 9:35am  

https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bee-would-like-to-apologize-to-xi-jinping-for-referring-to-him-as-president-and-not-a-stuffed-honey-loving-bear-who-lives-in-the-hundred-acre-wood



BABYLON, FL—The Babylon Bee would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Xi Jinping for a very, very bad mistake we made earlier. We continued to refer to him as "president" in our articles, when we really should have called him Winnie the Pooh, as he self-identifies as a honey-loving stuffed bear who lives in the Hundred Acre Wood.

Here is our apology, Mr. Pooh:

亲爱的习近平领导人，对于您称呼您为“总统”，我们深感抱歉。 我们知道您确定是吃蜂蜜且非常胖的黄熊。 我们犯了一个非常非常非常严重的错误，我们非常非常爱您和中国政府。 用不与之相称的代词来误认一个人是非常糟糕的。 您是小熊维尼，我们希望尊重这一身份。 因此，从现在开始，我们将永远只称您为小熊维尼（Winnie the Pooh），这是一只可爱的毛绒熊，与克里斯托弗·罗宾（Christopher Robin）一起玩，非常笨。 非常感谢，请不要将我们送到监狱营地。

Thank you very much for your understanding, and may this lead to greater cooperation between our inferior country and your much superior land of the Hundred Acre Wood.


Holy shit! That would literally get you murdered by the state in China.
9078   RC2006   2021 May 30, 1:36pm  

Mayor of Georgetown TX forgets microphone is on while he drops bombs in bathroom.

THIS IS HILARIOUS
Mayor of Georgetown in the US excused himself to go & use the washroom in the middle of a meeting & forgot to switch off his mic on his tie & this is what happened. https://t.co/zXuyBxTo7E
9082   Bd6r   2021 May 30, 4:49pm  

9083   Bd6r   2021 May 30, 4:50pm  

9084   Bd6r   2021 May 30, 4:50pm  

9085   Bd6r   2021 May 30, 4:51pm  

9086   Bd6r   2021 May 30, 4:51pm  

9087   Patrick   2021 May 30, 10:14pm  

Dey won’t be giving you dis information, only dat information. Dey know what’s best for you!


https://twitter.com/AlexBerenson/status/1399003330937036802#m
9088   Patrick   2021 May 31, 3:42am  



We can do a lot with projectors!
9090   Hircus   2021 May 31, 1:36pm  

Patrick says

We can do a lot with projectors!


I wonder if shining a projector against a building breaks any laws? Obviously watch out for blinding motorists and stuff, but I bet this would be a legal way to temporarily graffiti.
9091   Patrick   2021 May 31, 1:52pm  



Biden did this by shutting down the Keystone Pipeline.

The grim good news, again, is that it hurts a lot of Democrats who voted for him even though he's obviously senile and corrupt as fuck.
9092   Onvacation   2021 May 31, 2:09pm  

Is it still schadenfreude if it hurts others AND yourself.

I don't want to suffer just so I can say "I told you so".
9093   Onvacation   2021 May 31, 2:21pm  

It really doesn't make much difference to me if it takes $50 or $100 to fill up. I just stick in the credit card, choose high grade, and pump until the tank is full. It's not a big deal.

Now our service workers have to work an extra 2 or 3 hours a week to pay for gas, but they aren't. They are working the same amount of hours but the money is going in the tank for Saudi Arabia and not in the till of the local microbrewery.

Keep the money local.
9094   Onvacation   2021 May 31, 2:22pm  

BUT

If they voted for Biden in the hope of a $2,000 check or relief from the $123,247 gender studies bachelor of art degree student loan and think Trump is a racist/sexist/xenophobic/homophobe because he colluded with Russia and grabbed random pussy; THOSE people should suffer for their sins!
9095   Bd6r   2021 May 31, 9:08pm  

9096   Bd6r   2021 May 31, 9:09pm  

9097   Bd6r   2021 May 31, 9:09pm  

9098   Bd6r   2021 May 31, 9:10pm  

9099   Booger   2021 Jun 1, 2:42pm  

https://www.michaelsmithnews.com/2021/05/18-mexican-men-become-trans-women-to-get-around-gender-partity-electoral-quotas-solved.html

To avoid being left out of the 2021 Mexican elections because of a constitutional principle of “gender parity”, 18 male candidates from the Force for Mexico party in Tlaxcala state have filed for candidacy as trans women.
9100   Bd6r   2021 Jun 1, 9:09pm  

9101   Bd6r   2021 Jun 1, 9:09pm  

9107   Patrick   2021 Jun 3, 1:20pm  

abuela = grandma
9108   RWSGFY   2021 Jun 3, 1:32pm  

Patrick says
abuela = grandma


I know, but why the fuck they are expecting me to know all the random foreign words they feel they need to mix into English text? What's wrong with "grandma"?

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