patrick.net

How about these (pre-morning coffee, so forgive me):

For Sale signs I see
like so many blades of grass.
Is there a bubble?

Who is Bernanke?
Our Helicopter pilot
or bubble popper?

Should I wait to buy?
Who will be the greatest fool?
I hope it's not me.

I see homes selling.
Prices can only go up.
Yes, I am a troll.

A grizzled and graying wizard of
a man rambles on up the hills of South
San Jose, Led Zeppelin style,
and weeping
like an old Testament Prophet
over the high cost of housing.

With one sweeping gesture
he brandishes a middle
finger salute to Silicon Valley in
its final throes of economic funk...

With a sonorous thunder of voice
he pronounces "anathema!"
upon the frazzled masses of taxed-out
inhabitants for their dot.com frolics,
housing bubble excesses, mergers &
aquisitions and other such useless
pursuits of the American dream turned
nightmare...

A fair-weathered lizard with leathery
skin climbs gingerly upon a rock
and muses to himself, "this place has gone
to the birds!" A butterfly,
flutters by then flies down
to Marie Callendars on Blossom Hill
Avenue, to have a piece of home-
style apple pie.

Meanwhile, bills pile higher and higher
upon my desk...unpaid, save for my health
club membership, as I dream of obtaining
the six-pack abs I saw on
a TV infomercial at 3 a.m.
the other morning,
that will transform my life
from insouciance and strife as I attempt
to score a hot, trophy wife
at the local five and dime store...

Once more, I sway
like a Willow in the breeze
as I tease the lid off my fifth
Dos Equis beer, quaffed to kill the pain
and dreams of the days
when I could Boogieboard at Santa Cruz carelessly,
in fun and frolics unabated
by nonsense like finding a career
in high-tech pc board manufacturing...

I cackle like a maniac at the train wreck
of my meager existence, and write my last
check for my college loan obtained,
like a mortgage on a house,
for a useless business degree that got
me minimum wage serial employment and
not that shiny new career I was promised
as the fruit of my labor.

Amongst the new slave labor
class of indigenous asses and sundry
California folk, I am but a cog
in the wheel
of gears that grind
me to a fine grist in the foggy
mist descending upon the valley in
cosmic bliss that cackles its
existential frivolity and points an
accusing finger at life
in my newfangled world.

I adjust my glasses, and feel hard
stabs of pain at the soft memories
of good times and good vibrations that
whirl in a shimmering phantasmagoria of
wheels within wheels glimmering
in this steel trap called
Silicon Valley.

I forage like an alley cat
in the back alleys
of my mind, rummaging for sweet
memories of my salad days
as I ponder the mere shell
of my former self I have become...

The cold thud of reality strikes
my solar plexus like a 5.7 earthquake
rumbling through the San Andreas fault line,
as it moves down my spine to the sound
of the Beach Boys blaring from my radio.

Not even wine will make my domestic economic
catastrophe rosy. I cook up an escape plan as
my green eggs and ham sizzle
in a frying pan on my stove. What the heck,
screw real estate and
high-tech. I'll move to Oklahoma and farm
rice. That would be nice!

It may not be California Nirvana but
it beats munching on an
enchilada and having to endure another night
of birds fighting in the cage next
door, as their wings flap, or
more than that,
the silent sound of one
hand

clapping...

yes, well of course, it's all too easy for harm and newsfreak... :?

some of us are linguistically impaired you know...

so you think i'm a poet,
and i don't even know it?

I suck at Haikus. Here goes nothin'...

It's early in Berkeley and
clogging the roads are
myriads of priuses,
saabs, and Volvos.
Their bumpers gleam in
the unending rain, such
useful reminders that
instead of saving poor
kids in oakland, we should
be saving Tibet. Mass-manufactored
tidbits of pop-culture espousings, as they
wizz past the Bungalows, condos, and
for sale signs on overpriced houses.

Texas has Hoo-has, Alabama has hicks,
North Carolina has nothing but food that
tastes like shit. North Dakota is next to
South Dakota, and Wisconsin gets temps
that are 30 below. Would one venture
where it ever blows snow? I do not know
for I live here, where it's sunny and mild,
where I can speak my mind with the rest
of the crowd, with a sea of nodding heads
that agree in unison that GW is silly, the
country is red, since we are blue I rest
in my bed, knowing full well how right
we are, and that the other red states
shall never get far.

In front the blue volvo with the blue
haired boomer, who still thinks we
care what she thought was hip in
1972 gets out of her car and calls
her son- the one that is now in
school, wishing that soon he can
see the world, buy a home, and
live as his mother did with a home
on the hill overlooking the bay, but
he will be dissapointed, for he has
but no hope- not today, that he
has the same chance, the same
wants, or same desires.
California is mired in red tape,
the cost of living is out of control,
and young families will have to
look beyond their protective abodes
and think "progressivly" towards the
day that they leave the bay- that shining
example of what once was forward thinking
and new- and move to places like Tennesee,
Texas, Idaho, and a few others to name a few,
for the bowl is smoked here, burnt out and
run down. The ideas are stale, unoriginal, and
frail, for they exsit on the backs of those who
thought keeping others out would preserve
what they greedily clutched and tried to
hold dear, but in the end, lost their own
future, their new thoughts and ideals.

It's 10 years later and all isn't good. Cali's
full of old folks, fat cats and the poor.
What happened? they ask- who will take
up the reins, of the future economy, our
schools and tech companies, who's once
brilliant products come forth no more.
They all left, for they could not find
their own way of life, or their one
piece of pie. They took and exported
all the ideas, to distant lands, states and
cities. The brains of the future migrated
away, and all because as I sit in my truck
a dark house I see sits empty with a sign
for sale for 1 million Bucks

The end.

Haiku for the Soul:

Nine-hundred thousand
Mortgage, four-hundred thousand
Worth. Sphincter tightens...

Ha ha,
Yup, my wife worked in the SF school district for 2 years. Needless to say, there will be no more public schools in the area if the number of families with children continues to decline. Her school was closed for this very reason.

Rain Rain Rain,
Falling on my head,
falling on the ground,
making realtors weep
as the signs droop,
melt, and wash
prices to the ground.

johnjacob,
that's the weirdest haiku i've ever seen. see my last haiku for reference:

I see homes selling.
Prices can only go up.
Yes, I am a troll.

Or maybe this:

Trolls, trolls, where are you?
Can your spam-bots write haiku?
I'd like to see that!

Hey Johnjacob,
Yup, I heard about those developments. They are one of the first developments to be bought using the new California currency system. I think having California print it's own money is a great step towards assuring that homebuyers can buy homes no matter how much they are. Have you seen the new $1000 bill? It has Arnold Shwarzeneggar on the front, and a house on the back. Great idea! The best part I like about it is that you can go to a vending machine, put in an old worthless US dollar bill, and get 2 $1000 California bills! I mean, it doesn't matter that hot dogs at Wal-Mart now cost $100, all of us who were priced out can easily afford those new condo units. Only 650k you say? can you please send me the specs?

LOL, I have to comment on the sudden appearance of an Enlightenment & Zen WorldPress topic add in this thread.

Ha Ha,
Not sure if I get what you're meaning behind the phasing out of public schools. If you mean that less public schools means pressure on officials to address housing concerns, I can understand that. Otherwise, I can say that many of the students my wife taught were from poor neighborhoods. Without good public schools, they have less of a chance of getting a good education Versus the wealthy residents who send their kiddies to private schools. Maybe I misunderstood you. Did you mean Moreland in particular or the whole bay Area?
It is totally assanine that the richest state in the union cannot find the money to have good public schools. My parents are school teachers in TN, and their school system is in way better shape than the schools here- and they too have the same low pay in direct local wage standard as teachers here.
So while I can see how decimating a public institution can cause politicians and residents to jump into action, it is ashame that kids who had nothing to do with the cause of the problem get caught in the crossfire.

I am better than you
Debt is good, greed is good, suck
On your knees peasant

I swagger, move over
You have no debt you maggot
You are a loser

Pathetic renter
You wish you had my debt load
Wealth now equals debt

All rain, did it pop?
This prime area reigns supreme
Give me more money

Mo Money Money
It is the reason I live
Real Estate Asshat

Rain Rain Rain Rain Rain
NorCal is a magic place
It always goes up

Did I mention wealth?
My debt is the same as cash
My wife’s ass is fat

Soon you fleas will feel
The wrath my equity brings
On your knees peasant

They gave me money
It was for free, all for me
My kids are obese

I post on blogs
There will be a spring bounce fools
I run with the hogs

TM-Surfer-X all rights reserved, all wrongs denied.

Sort of a short Haiku:

$800k McMansion
I/O ARM Financing
Foreclosure awaits

@nomadtoons,

Haiku are

5 syllables
7 syllables
5 syllables

Try it, I think you will find it enjoyable

with foes so near
only whisper
i bailed in "05"
before september

none can know
i've lost the faith
trolling boards
for the next big thing
searching, scrounging
hawking bling

listings languish
it's buyers i need
they're the life blood
on which I feed

over leveraged
commissions spent
pressures on
no spin left
all is lost

A variable;
Ellusive, where can it be?
To correlate me?

Could it be housing
Inflation, statistics, or
Rent versus mortgage?

Try to quantify,
Qualify and clarify.
(One just wants to cry)

Limit of how high
Insanity dares to climb?
Ignorance, to blame.

ha ha,
thanks for the explanation. What's amazing to me is that a while back, Mayor Feinstein started a study as to why there is a deline in families in SF with children. Yup- that's where your tax dollars go- to fund projects with answers everyone already knows.

Surfer,
My mom was a literature teacher. You would've thought Haikus would come easy to me. Pitty the reality.

ah, yes
the waiting list
it is for free
it costs nothing
throw your hat in the ring

back-up buyers
need to be qualified?
no, it's just paper
that we can present
keep the cash flow flowing
to make our own rent

@nomadtoons, it is pretty easy once you get the hang of it. If there is a line you like but it doesn't fit, move it aside and use it later.

Surfer X,

True enough, haikuing can be fun but it doesn't come naturally to many of us. I think we were indoctrinated to believe poetry should always rhyme, phrases, verses and stanzas?

This is a limerick, not a haiku.

There once was a troll named JohnJake,
Who said we all made a mistake.
"Homes quickly get sold,
Don't get left in the cold!"
It's too bad that his words are all fake.

I smell troll, HARM where is your can of Troll-b-gone?

Surfer X,
I think I am more along the lines of someone who admires Ed Wood, who apprently could type faster and longer while completely drunk than any known screenwriter of his day.

So what do you think is going to happen to the first two hundred or so Google employees? Think about it. The Bay Area is filled with generations of RICH very-early-retirees. Once again, this area is high stakes poker and you all are sitting in the bingo hall. Good luck!

There are many local markets in the Bay Area and there are many price segments. "Early GOOG retirees" will probably be interested in homes north of 1.5M, which have not been strong during thoughout this boom anyway.

Homes cheaper than 500K are at risk. There is no way Googlers are going to subject themselve to such misery. Going above 750K or so and there may be some support.

This place is NOT high stakes poker. Much of the Bay Area is still below the $1000 per sf mark.

I have started looking for signs of a potential soft landing in some areas.

I smell troll, HARM where is your can of Troll-b-gone?

Surfer-X,

Who needs Troll-b-gone when you have skillful anti-troll wordsmiths such as yourself & Skibum? They don't stand a chance. :-)

@AmazedinSF,
Thanks for working "Ha Has" into your Haiku.

All,
Excellent work! If you don't like Haiku, feel free to write limmericks, free verse, whatever you prefer.

Harm,

Agreed. Vegas, crashed. Boston, crashing. Phoenix, on the verge. Coast to coast things are looking ragged but it's this one stubborn troll in the only market that hasn't collapsed (yet) touting selective anecdotal "evidence" proudly declaring all is well. My father served in Korea and he said it was amazing that no sooner had they shelled an entire hill to oblivion they would come up and hear little birds already chirping.

Chirp on little bird.

Surfer X,

I'm sure HARM didn't extend that invite to include Andrew "Dice" Clay poetry O.K?

I have started looking for signs of a potential soft landing in some areas. -- Peter P

I have also started to look for such signs in Marin, excluding Novato, most of San Rafael, and Marin City.

We talked a long long time ago about likely zones of support where a soft landing would be expected. Aside from the obvious wealth enclaves (Belvedere, Woodside, Atherton, etc.), there will probably be support in areas like South Marin, Menlo/Palo, Los Altos/Gatos and such.

Odd how trolls can't write
Haiku. Too bad. Perhaps we
Can try to help them?

Some more Troll-ku for you (thanks for the inspiration, Surfer-X):

Jealous and bitter
Renters. Whining about their
Sad pathetic lives.

Why so jealous, sad
Little bear? Do you envy
My big fat green stacks?

Don't you know the path
To happiness lies in debt?
We are what we owe.

There is no hope for
Bears, priced out forever while
Your neighbor grows rich.

No Bubble, no burst
Plunge Protection at work, while
Foreclosure dreams fade.

Sad little renter,
All your hopes dashed. On your knees
Suck it long, suck hard.

I'm glad limericks are allowed:

There once was a troll realt-whore
Who's rants we could't ignore
"Don't listen to wrecks
Like HaHa, Surfer-X
For renting will keep you all poor"

Randy H and Peter P,

Are you gouys implying that BA RE prices won't crash and we will actualy get a soft landing ? Or you are just investigating the probability of this happening ? Specifically for some areas or entire BA ?

I must admit, I was a bit surprised to read your comments.

To BA Or Not To BA,

Speaking for myself only, when I talk about hard vs. soft landing I'm talking about a macro perspective. I don't claim to know for sure there will be a hard-landing, but I think it's likely. However, this is a macro thing. Even in a hard landing not all areas of the BA will deflate at the same rate. What I'm saying is that during this great run-up the old saying that real estate is location, location, location became less true. Areas that shouldn't support $1M homes had homes selling for $1.2M. As it corrects, those areas will get hit "hard", whereas traditionally wealthier areas probably will get hit "soft".

As the bubble pops again people will focus on location as their three most important factors. Homes in good places will do much better than those in not so good places.

Randy H,

And as Peter P is fond of reminding us, the market is about 97% psychology. B/c most of the other major metro areas are already in various stages of collapsing the BA has been somehow awarded the unique status of "flight to quality". In the early stages of the tech wreck the junk sold off first (dot coms etc.) As it became more clear that fundamentals were clearly lacking the next wave of the sell-off took place and finally when "flight to quality" meant flight to another asset class altogether (in this case bonds and REITS) it didn't matter how solid your balance sheet was or how many consecutive quarters you'd paid or increased your dividend, it was now your turn in the barrel! This is a large part of the reason that our little chirping troll teed me off earlier when he pointed to very specific areas of the Bay. Right now I'd say we're about in the "April 2000" stage for the housing crash.

Skibum,

In this Haiku thread,
it was the best
I have so far read.

Are you gouys implying that BA RE prices won’t crash and we will actualy get a soft landing ? Or you are just investigating the probability of this happening ? Specifically for some areas or entire BA ?

Some price segments in some parts in the Bay Area may not correct as much. The rental sentiment in Lower Peninsula for appears to be heating up. It is not as bad as 1999 because low-end units are still stagnant. This seems to confirm the Google effect.

On the other hand, I was touring some complexes and I was told that there have been more than a few former homeowners turning renters.

Five seven five, the
Price of my crib? Hell no, foo,
It's silly Haiku.

Me have big car, drive
Very far and live in it
Too. Me very Coo!

You are not smart, kid
You hocked your future for dirt
In this here valley.

My wife Sally is
Cute, lazy, and plump: she sports
a supersized rump.

Damn it all, I quit.
I don't give a flying sh-t.
Wait till it crashes.

The dashes become
dots. The tots become teens. The
Stock market deflates.

An algorithm
For disaster is status
quo. Quid, pro quo...Ho!

I've become more dumb.
Literacy is as rare
as children here, see?

The whole lie exposed.
Buttocks of economy
Moons the light of day.

The masses cower
Under their covers for help
As housing plummets.

I must stop this now.
For I'm hungry and want lunch,
Or tea and crumpets.