patrick.net

Only a Fruit Loop would post something like that, Ellie. Lucky you have Charms, Honey Bunch. Forgive my boldness. I'm feeling my Oats today since I had my Wheaties. You know, that's how I get my Kix so I can get a bit flaky. I hope I don't take any flax for it cause I'm Berry sorry. It comes in Clusters so please don't get Frosty. Choc it up to experience.
Cheerio

Mikey,
We're cut from the same fiber. You just gots no Pop. Just 'cause I'm not coocoo doesn't mean you gotta get all frosty on me. I gotta go- time crunch...

No Pop, eh? That's corny. I could Smack you. Why get puffed up?
Now I also have to go, to think up some bran new stuff to bowl you over.

Are we gonna milk this one, too?

Now, now, don't be sour.

I just melt when you try to butter me up...

Shell we lob another or not? It could be a Titanic mistake. We otter be more careful, don't you think?

Something's fishy here, Mikey. I've got a case of the clams now.

Clams? Aw, shuck. Who orca-strated that? I'll be wading with baited breath for your answer.

You said that on porpoise, just becod you could. You could catch me a break and scale back - I'm floundering here - but nooooooooooooooooo! You've got more lined up and I'm reeling. I guess we're in the same boat - and you're captain-vating the audience. Not that I'm fishing for compliments, but I'm feeling that your crusty approach has decked me. You've won - hook, line & sinker.

Why bow out? I'm not that stern. But why all the anchor issues? I threw you a line and that's the rust of the story for boat of us. This is pure bull ship. I'm going to dock-ument this incident since I'm now fully a-wake. I need to shore this up before it crashes and I've got the sand to do it. But not right now because I tide one one last night and floated my liver. And I'll have you know that I've never gotten any complaints about the length of my deck so I don't want to spar about it or things will go boom. I've got my sea legs--all three of them. So please don't cast any doubts. My dingy has been in countless ports. I shouldn't admit this but I aft to. I owe it to my seamen.

You might never have gotten complaints about the length of your deck - it's a huge deck that just invites me to sit on it and spin some tales - but your dingy's another story. It's rather small and can't do the job anymore. I'm sure you've taken the matter well in hand.

:)

I don't want to make waves being naughty-cal, no matter how it may a pier. Oar perhaps I should explain that I've had too much port this evening. I hope I don't sound too salty, dog gone it. I'm urchin restraint here. It's sink or swim now, if that floats your boat. We're not quite done yacht. I'm foaming at the mouth but I'm also blue. This is deep but we have to get to the bottom of it.

I'm deeply entrenched in this topic, but must go to work so my boss can shell out some money to me. Don't fret, matey - I'm crabby right now but will return!

How do we end this? Does one of us have to walk the plank?

Hey, galley, wooden you know I never pegged you for a quitter on her last legs? Can't we patch things up? Mast we stop now? Yarrrr kidding, right, me hearty? Or is this really a jolly roger, over and out? Please Sparrow me the drama. Ho ho the phone and stop throwing a monkey wench into the mix. It's like a kick in the cannon balls.
I have to get this off my chest: I say we grab our long johns and rum for the border. After all, booty is only skin deep.
Gotta go, my Davey Jones record is skipping.

Rum for the border? You're playing a different tuna, now. Rats always leave a sinking ship. I'm not calling you a rat, but I'm feeling rummy and my attitude is going down the hatch. I need a vacation. I'm off to Margaritaville, gonna have me some sex on the beach. That'll lift my spirits.

Bailing? That's no way to make a splash. Sea air, young lady, you can't do that. Vodka would I do without you? You're a glass act. Well? You just can't whiskey away. We've beerly started slinging. Still, I only have ice for you, especially in the moonshine. I'm soda upset at this development. What a twist. You should have watered down your post. I'm staggering. Come on, give it another shot.

You don't know Jack. I'm a few sheets to the wind and am sailing away to somewhere awesome. I stagger to think of my options. I know that you're hoping I'll be cheery, but so far all I can say is you're blending the facts, here.

I may be eel equipped but at least I'm not building sand castles in the air. I guess I have to pick up the Pisces. Can you fathom that? Still, I get by with a little kelp from my friends. What do you mako of that?
Well, actually, I really don't want to wind up on squid row. I'm doing some serious sole searching now.
You know, back in the day, I used to be bass player for a rock grouper named the Keel Bills. We had some cool tunas. The gills really liked me and why not? I was a good catch and they had the right bait so guess what? I wound up with the cod damned crabs. It was not exactly the high water mark of my career.

It's getting deep - but no man is an island. I can't fathom why you barged right in and rapidly changed the subject. Canoe?

Is this a matter of krill or be krilled? I think it reely is. I'm racking my brine but at least that's betta than nothing. I'm jawstified in doing so. I don't want my mussels to atrophy. I still want to surf up more puns even if things get stormy. I just need a few tugs but what the helm? That won't encompass much. since I don't want things to go south.

Do you guys have a pun generating program or what?

How long does it take to compose a paragraph for each or you two pun heads?

Is this some kind of frodo opportunity?

Personally, it's on the fly wordplay and only takes minutes. Creative narrative puntification. It elevates the lowly pun and seems to floor some folks when the puns escalate to push their buttons and it does have its ups and downs.

frodo says

Do you guys have a pun generating program or what?
How long does it take to compose a paragraph for each or you two pun heads?

If I can't whip out an answer in 10-15 minutes, I don't do it. Mikey is the king of the puns, don't know how he does it. But I write each one independently - might get a list of words to go by (for instance, google "cooking terms" but I have too short of an attention span to work too hard at it.

It might help that I'm blonde, and there's not a whole lot else rattling around in my head.

:)

Ellis is a blonde?
Is she the hair apparent with her cutting posts? Is she trying to make waves going at this clip? She really bangs them out. Must be her conditioning. She really nails it. Will it be permanent? Is it just a curl thing she's trying to iron out? Does she expect me to dye or something? Will I be parting? Color me confused. I really don't mean to be frosty and I don't want to give her the brush off. I'll try to beehive, but shearly she can't be serious. However, I will root for her.
Well, salon for now. I gotta blow. I'm gonna go watch the Braidy bunch.
PS: There's no truth to this lousy post. It's all lice.

Let me get this straight - your long replies Bumpit up a notch and I like your style. You're kinky sometimes - but you're suave and debon-hair with great finesse. I often comb through your posts and find that you are head & shoulders above the rest. I'm a pert little number and know that your house of brecks will come crashing down one day. You're driving a wedge between us and I no longer want to shag you, btw.

I'll call my friend Claire - clairol help me find more puns for sure.

P.S. You'll probably have to go to the clinique to get rid of the lice, but gee, your hair smells terrific.

A hair raising post. Thanks for the heads up. I'm blown away. It cuts both ways and eclipse my post but please don't get snippety.
I'd like to thank hair majesty for hairing me out and for not being a hot head. I've always seen you as the mane attraction who's on the cutting edge. A real mane eventer who has many loyal follicles.
And you're also a fan of the Grateful Head. I assume it all goes back to your urban roots and your sleek mane frame. To put it simply, it's a shear delight. Something to dye for. You'e a real blade runner and not a chop-a-holic. You deserve a Waverunner, too, but please don't get tangled up with me. That's knot a good idea, even though I'd go to the mat for you.
Just teasing.
Gotta go now, my parsnips are ready and this alley cut is hungry. But watch for the combing attractions.

mikey says

RIP Phil.
This was our favorite reality show. We have all the dvd’s.
How sad his lifestyle was killing him. His blood pressure was 170/110. Family history of blood clots. Chain smoking, drinking, caffeine. little sleep, harsh weather.
He chose this destiny.
PS: My dad caught crabs, too. At least I remember him mentioning it.

I think dose were a different kind of crabs mate....the small testicular kind heh?.......DEY TUK OUR MF'n JERBS!

Raise your hand if you ever caught crabs.......ROTFLMAO while SMDH.

....and SMB (Scratchin' My B***S)

Someone's off their meds.

elliemae says

Someone’s off their meds.

Yes, it's a hard pill too swallow when you're all bottled up and that just compounds the problem.

I'm throwing in the towel, for now. I don't mean to be a wet blanket but I'm having a sew-sew day.

Even if we are cut from the same cloth, I don't cotton to your needling me on this thread. Don't be a sew and sew. You've got me in stitches already.

And sew goes the fabric of our lives...

You covered it nicely for a material girl.

How's this for bad luck (and grieving children):

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20345801,00.html

I got no puns for this. Poor guy just lost his father, I'd probably still be drunk too.

How sad.