patrick.net

Cover your ass you'll kill us all!

So, when a fat chick tells you that "the earth moved..." can you believe her?

Falwell says gays cause Terror attacks, Pat Robertson says a pact with the Devil caused the Haiti earthquake, 1000 rabbis warn gays in the military will bring disasters... ho hum, thanks for the religious bigots update.

If bimbos cause earthquakes, then places with the most bimbos will have the most earthquakes.

The definition of bimbo would be subjective, while earthquake is pretty much concrete. However, I can see the correlation between bimbo (both male & female) and earthquakes. And fires. And tornadoes. And pretty much every disaster.

Ever notice how the rescuers are always pulling someone out of the rubble whose clothing is barely there? Late last night there was a house fire in SLC and there were photos of people who were wearing pajamas or less being rescued. They obviously brought this on themselves.

I also recall seeing a story on the weather channel about a naked infant girl torn out of her mother's arms and found alive in the mud when a paramedic nearly stepped on her. She was obviously a sinner.

>“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes,” Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media."

So, does that mean that the earthquakes are actually caused by millions of masturbating men? Is it because they're all doing it in cadence- like the bleachers at a soccer game, these men are creating a rhythmic sway to the earth that goes to the core?

I propose a solution: scheduled debauchery. From now on, men must adhere to a schedule for their pleasuring. We'll create a govt agency, (I propose the name to be "Home &'Nothers Debauchery," or HAND) to approve the schedule.

You're welcome.

E-man says

This is hilarious, and I just heard it on Jay Leno, too.

I've noticed late night T.V. hashes out a lot of our material.

Both Jon Stewart and Cobert lifted some our comments on the teabaggers last night.

Where can I find one of these "Bimbo's"? Create some shaking here in SF Bay Area.

Really? Is it due to all of the silicone knocking together when they film "Girls Gone Wild" DVDs?

simchaland says

Really? Is it due to all of the silicone knocking together when they film “Girls Gone Wild” DVDs?

Interesting thought. But I'm not sure that silicone makes a knocking sound when a bimbo jumps up & down. I'm sure that someone on this forum is willing to do some research on this issue.

Hmmm, I don't think that I'm an expert in that area. Are there any volunteers?

My hypothesis is that there are a lot of slapping sounds and vibrations that go into the ground between tectonic plates when heavy pendulous fleshy bags of silicone bang together. Hence, bimbos jumping up and down on trampolines with their silicone "fun bags" slapping all about may cause vibrations in the earth that create earthquakes. Doesn't this happen on "Girls Gone Wild" DVDs? Can any straight guys confirm this?

(BTW, I knew a really cool drag queen named Trampolina. I miss her.)

simchaland says

My hypothesis is that there are a lot of slapping sounds and vibrations that go into the ground between tectonic plates when heavy pendulous fleshy bags of silicone bang together.

It sounds really painful.

elliemae says

simchaland says

My hypothesis is that there are a lot of slapping sounds and vibrations that go into the ground between tectonic plates when heavy pendulous fleshy bags of silicone bang together.

It sounds really painful.

If it's painful then why are the bimbos usually giggling and smiling when they're jumping up and down on trampolines?

Oooo! And if I do enough research to get a working theory together I can call it the "Big Bang Theory." Wait, that one might be taken...

simchaland says

If it’s painful then why are the bimbos usually giggling and smiling when they’re jumping up and down on trampolines?

There's something about free alcohol, spring break, and getting on television that turns good girls into bimbos. The "big bang" is what happens after the cameras are shut off (unless you're Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton - then you're glad that the cameras were left on because it kick-starts your celebrity career).

"I knew a really cool drag queen named Trampolina"

Trampolina got her start as a bouncer. Alas, her career had its ups and downs.