patrick.net

I should have called this 'realtor ad guaranteed to perform'

I love dicks. Big ones, that I can share with my girlfriends. We can climb on top of it and lay all over it. I've been thinking about a huge dick all day long... it's quite distracting.

Isn't Mikey going to take a stand on this?

Personally, I don't think that Realtor is playing with a full dick.

Lady Realtor looks past her prime. If I buy a house, I want a Realtor who is young and hot. Short skirt is a plus.

That woman was Cocky, maybe I'm going soft. Realtor erecting this kind of ad, used to wood make me cum over there and slap her. The folly clues points to intentional insertion of this ad. She's not playing with a full dick.

Liz Pendens says

Isn’t Mikey going to take a stand on this?

His reply was straight up, but hardly worth the wait...

elliemae says

Liz Pendens says

Isn’t Mikey going to take a stand on this?

His reply was straight up, but hardly worth the wait…

I swear that's never happened to me before.

It''s okay, it happens to everyone sooner or later. Premature ejokeulation happens when you're not sure if your dick is big enough...

Are you saying that I shoot first and ask questions later?

You gave it your best shot - but you got creamed.

I don't have a dick, but my boyfriend does. It's so large it has stairs. I go up & down on his big dick after a long day at work. My balance is so great that I don't even spill my wine while I'm climbing on & off of it.

Do I get any respect for "premature ejokeulation?"

that was clever.....

but, that's a tabu subject for dudes.

Oh, how I wish I could post a link on facebook. Patrick, you need a "share" option:O)

Thanks, guys, for all the laughs:O)

What was that realtor's name? Shirley Hunspermer?

The dick on my house is falling apart, and my husband isn't able to put up a new one. So now I have to hire someone instead. That sucks, and it's so expensive! Does anyone have a contractor they can recommend? I'll need a performance bond before he starts.

I wonder if Shirley was sitting on the dick when the idea for this ad suddenly exploded? Hmmmm

Patrick, do you ever think that blog members have a "one track mind". My girl friend thinks all men are juvenile when it comes to sex. Oh well........

"Do I get any respect for “premature ejokeulation?”

Are you nuts? You're just a little squirt!

I bought a house with a large dick. I was inexperienced in real estate (a "property virgin") and didn't really know what size dick I wanted. I was worried that having a huge dick would be hard but I just blew my wad and got the biggest dick in the neighborhood. Best decision of my life! The ladies love it. I have parties on my dick all summer long. When the party is over, I just hose it off, no problem.

It was very hard on my friends though. When their wives found out about my tremendous dick, they got "dick envy." Pretty soon my friends were asking all kinds of annoying questions like, "How can I get a big dick? What if I just lay cock all over my house...the windows, bathrooms, kitchen? Do you think cocking all the time will satisfy my wife? Will Obama's cash for cockers program help me?"

I told them that no amount of cocking can substitute for a humongous dick.

jvolstad says

Patrick, do you ever think that blog members have a “one track mind”. My girl friend thinks all men are juvenile when it comes to sex. Oh well……..

Don'T be such a dick head. :-)

A small, sturdy one is better than none at all. Most trailer parks are where you find smaller ones in use. A corelation between small ones and trailer parks? Maybe.

And, not suprizingly, Frisco has the highest rate of mis-use. One is all but wasted.

In parts of Pebble Beach you will find larger ones, but non-natural materials are common in that area of the Coast.

Finally, in rural areas young men have chosen large 4X4 trucks over a large one. These guys normally end up living in trailer parks.

((yes, I am trying to be clean and humorous -- quite the challenge))

Wow - the man from Vero Beach blows us all away.

My boyfriend's dick is thicker than most - if the earth moves, his dick will remain solid. The only worry will be if the decorative landscaping falls onto his dick - then I'll have to get his rocks off in any way possible. I'll probably have to separate the bush from the dick at that point. That can be a delicate operation, and might leave us exhausted. Afterward we'll fall asleep.

But I'll call all my girlfriends and tell them all about it. We'll chew on it for days...

Mine is so big I had to pull a permit. Now I have room for a hot tub, Webber BBQ and a Hibachi. Last summer I hung paper lanterns all around it. I'm even seriously considering a ping pong table at this point. The neighbors are green with envy. I wouldn't be surprised if their drooling showed up on the Doppler.
However, call me a sap but sometimes I get board and pine for the old days. I really don't mean to be knotty but I guess I'm just a little warped sometimes.
I still miss my old one. Alas, It was buckled in many places and in dire need of support and cross bracing, but dang, it had been nailed over and over so many times that I lost count. It drooped so badly I could barely stand to look at it. The neighbors finally had enough of all the banging and pounding so I had to do something.

Does it look anythng like this image I’ve uploaded? This is the famous “phallic rock” on Molokai, and as you can see, I like to entertain myself here whenever I visit. You can find out more about this feature by clicking on this link:

http://www.hawaiiweb.com/molokai/html/sites/phallic_rock.html

You know it's funny how some people can get attached to their dick. I remember my first wife. Believe it or not when we first met she had never had a dick before. I brought her over to my house and showed her my dick. She loved it and spent a lot of time on it and we had many parties on it. I think her friends were jealous because they always asked me if they could come over and sit on it too.

Years later we separated. One day she came to visit me and exclaimed that I had a perfect dick and she now had a dick that was long but skinny. I remembered the days she would spend a lot of time on the dick. She asked me if she could sit on it one more time but I had to explain to her the days of sitting on my dick were over.

The moral of the story? Don't be jealous of your friend's dick. Just come over and sit on it.

Talk about a rock hard... rock.

Someone ought to call dear Shirley Hunsperger and thank her for the ad, fax her our thread. It made me appreciate my boyfriend's dick so much more than I ever did. I went outside and stroked it for awhile, but it got a little rough and gave me a blister.

I tell people it's just a cold sore.

RE: stone whohaw
I think one of those Easter Island dudes is missing something

"but it got a little rough and gave me a blister."

You should try a little sandpaper. Start with coarse and work your way down to fine grind. Top to bottom. :-)
You could start out with a planer to shave off any protrusions. Especially at the base. Just be careful not to accidentally whack it off. When you're finished you can finish it off with a little laquer and buffing it to a nice shine.

I did, but things got so hot!

See the actual listing here:

http://www.reddingrealestate.com/banner/1830r.htm

I used the email link on the page to alert her of this thread.

duenhsiyen says

See the actual listing here:
http://www.reddingrealestate.com/banner/1830r.htm
I used the email link on the page to alert her of this thread.

Damn, it better be a huge one for $99,900. Maybe Ted Haggard could tell us if that's a good deal!

Maybe Larry Craig will do some foot-tapping to get this one.

The dick itself doesn't cost $99,900. It it did, that would be one big ol' hairy overpriced dick.

I love my boyfriend's dick - but my neighbor has a bigger one that makes him sooooo jealous. I'm not sure that you understand the jealousy that my boyfriend has... all I have to do is mention Jim's dick and my boyfriend goes nuts. I try to stroke my boyfriend's dick as often as possible, but it's not enough.

Hanging out on Jim's big dick in the great outdoors is orgasmic.

elliemae says

The dick itself doesn’t cost $99,900. It it did, that would be one big ol’ hairy overpriced dick.

Ooops, you're right. I was so focused on dick but can you blame me? I mean, how many times do I see "entertainer's delight, "great for entertaining," etc while shopping for this stuff. The dick is where it's happening!

Yes - and a dick is always more fun when shared with friends.

So I've been looking into options for my new house dick. Can't decide what type of wood I should go with: at first I was going to replace it with white oak since that's what my old one is. Then I started thinking a change would be good, maybe a mysterious, exotic wood from latin America? But the contractor suggests a nice mahogany- he says once i try that I'll never go back.

The thing is, whatever kind I go with has better be worry free. The last thing i need is a high maintenance dick - been there, done that!! No throwing money at it all the time, no commitments. Who needs that nonsense? Like, my girlfriend has a gorgeous dick from Italy - a real head turner, but what a supreme pain to keep up!! I just want to enjoy my new dick for the summer, and then do what i please.

Well, Liz, if your residence is in the polygamous state of Utah you can have hot summer dick, cool autumn dick, hardy winter dick, and young spring dick. But that might be a lot of dick to maintain. Maybe your vacation home could be dickless?

Leigh says

Well, Liz, if your residence is in the polygamous state of Utah you can have hot summer dick, cool autumn dick, hardy winter dick, and young spring dick. But that might be a lot of dick to maintain. Maybe your vacation home could be dickless?

Four dicks at once? the neighbors will think I'm a freak.

Quote: 'Yes - and a dick is always more fun when shared with friends.'

You're absolutely right Elliemae.

I've been told I have the perfect sized dick and I love entertaining women on my dick so I'd like to invite you all to come on over and enjoy it together. It's large enough to satisfy even the most fussiest consumer. It's one of those wrap around dick's. Some people will go to all lengths to find a dick this size. We could play pin the dick on the tail, or the other way, pin the tail on the dick.

If you want nice, sturdy, longer lasting dick, consider composite materials for your new dick. It's maintenance free too. Keeping it up and strong all the time is the hardiest part as you're getting older, and this new material will ease your worries.